If you read, you'll judge.
If you write, you'll invent.
Jake is delightfully tacky, yet unrefined. A tiger at heart, he believes there's more to being a tiger than just stripes. He is a monkey of twelve makings wanted for the felony of pushing an elderly lady in front of a passing ambulance as a protest against irony. For him, there is a silent G in gnarled but not in narly. Other inconsistencies fill the gaps in his life.
You should message Jake if all other means to contact him have failed. Si Hablas Alto Nunca Digas Yo.
|Folding Laundry Without Arms or Legs|
|“[T]here has never been this kind of financial incentive to make shorter songs.”|
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|How to Avoid Jury Duty|
|“A short cut through spacetime allowing for travel over cosmic scale distances in a short period.”|
|“If you fell asleep in 1945 and woke up in 2018 you would not recognize the world around you.”|
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|“The very fact that apps – like a period tracker or an LED flashlight [app] – share data with Facebook will come as a surprise to many people.”|
|The (Very Scary) People of Public Transit|
|“Reliably bottling up miniature stars, inside complex machines on Earth, demands otherworldly amounts of patience.”|