The Mormons: the Secret Weapon in the War on Terror

#Humour

Thu, Feb 16th, 2012 20:00 by capnasty NEWS

Philip Graham of The Morning News thinks we should put away our border patrols, unmanned drones, civil-defense preparedness, and electronic surveillance and, instead, use Mormons as the best weapon in the war on terror.

So here's what I propose: the Elders of the Church of Latter Day Saints should issue a warning, a sort of Mormon fatwa. Any terrorist who dies while blowing up an oil tanker, an embassy, a skyscraper, whatever; any suicide bomber, any sacrificial chemical or biological weapon concoctor will be identified immediately by the Mormon church's genealogy central hub and then converted via a Ghost Baptism.

Just think. The various reconstituted pieces of some jihadi have recently arrived in Islamic paradise. He's feeling pretty good, considering -- and of course there are those seventy virgins slinking toward him from all sides, but then -- POOF! -- he finds himself in a cavernous, dimly-lit room, surrounded by people dressed in black suits, crisp white shirts and thin black ties, and some old guy in the corner is droning out the lesson of the day from the Book of Moroni.

It's enough to make a holy warrior renounce Osama bin Laden.

I mean, if it works with the Nazis, why not?

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