Some of my favourite:
He likes flames:
Y'all seem like a bunch of smarty-pants, arty farty college kids. I am just a ignorant hillbilly, but I know what I like. Trust me, this here is good spray. Whenever Raylene gits outta line, like say the other morning she made my eggs runny, and she knows I don't like sloppy, slimy eggs, and I laid into her on it, and she starts smart mouthin me, and all I had to do was show her the bottle of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, and she shut up. I put just a skitch of it on my eggs, and they was fine.
I'm a lazy cop and an advocate for lazy policing. This product is OK if you have OK aim and are lazy like me. But frankly I'd give this product 4 stars if it was a tank or a drone instead. And I'd give it 5 stars if it had flames on the side. I like flames.
I bought this product based on all the great reviews, but sadly it did not deliver. I was trying to spice up a Thai stir fry for my family's dinner last week and the stuff just didn't quite have the kick I was looking for. When my kids began complaining about the bland taste and lack of heat, I lost my temper (I'd been preparing this meal for two hours!), and fired a shot of 56895 right into their eyes. It worked wonders and they went up to bed right away, after a few minutes of screaming and rolling around on the ground. I even used it later that night on my wife when she told me she couldn't stand watching Fox News OR CNN and that we should change the channel to something less "ignorant." HA! I showed HER who's ingornant!
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