Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Darth Vader Says


Wed, May 11th, 2011 12:00 by capnasty NEWS

Darth Vader has announced that Obi-Wan Kenobi, the galaxy's most wanted terrorist and the mastermind behind some of the most audacious and devastating attacks against the Galactic Empire, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan. From the article in The Galactic Empire Times:

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that "justice has been done" as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader's own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.

The news touched off an extraordinary outpouring of emotion as crowds gathered in the Senate District and outside the Imperial Palace, waving imperial flags, cheering, shouting, laughing and chanting, "Hail to the Emperor! Hail Lord Vader!" In the alien protection zone, crowds sang "The Ten Thousand Year Empire." Throughout the Sah'c district, airspeeder drivers honked horns deep into the night.

(via laughing squid)



You may also be interested in:

The Steve Jobs E-mail Reply Generator
What Your Twitter Bio Says About You
Real Actors Read Yelp Reviews
Exposed: the Lavish Lifestyle of the American Public School Teacher
"You can sharpen a pencil without a pencil sharpener, but you can't sharpen a pencil without a pencil."