As Scott Adams was chopping jalapeño peppers, he failed to follow the sound advice that he should use rubber gloves. Instead, once done, he washed his hands -- making sure he did not touch his eyes, membranes, and genitalia -- and carried on.
At first everything appeared to be fine. But five minutes later he felt a tingle on his hand, which then turned into a warm sensation, which then turned into... well, Adams explains it best:
Imagine turning a broom upside down, so the pointy bristles are facing up. You take your hand, palm facing down, and bounce it on the pointy bristles. Can you imagine how uncomfortable that feels on your hand? Okay, good.
Now imagine that a giant troll sees you playing with the broom. He snatches it out of your hand, chews the handle into a point and shoves it so far up your ass that you can taste it. Then he uses you like a huge flyswatter to kill a nest of porcupines that are living in his salt mine. My hand hurt like that.
|Banning Happy Meals|
|“Our goal is to entirely remove the animal from the meat production process.”|
|How 6-Million Pounds of Maple Syrup Disappeared from the Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve|
|Skittles Sorting Machine|
|“The prospects and future of AI.”|
|“The robot age is nothing to be worried about.”|
|Japanese Robot Serves Ice Cream From Inside a Vending Machine|
|CaptchaTweet: Write Tweets in Captcha Form|
|“Long live the instant gratification economy—and the increasingly sophisticated technology that’s enabling it.”|
|Why, Typewriters Are Alive and Well, Thank you|
|The (Very Scary) People of Public Transit|
|How to Avoid Jury Duty|
|“Rejuvenation is Finally an Industry.”|
|“Most have no idea who these companies are and how they got their data on them.”|
|“Authoritarianism depends upon people getting used to hearing the things that they want to hear.”|