The Touch of a Master

#Relationships

Mon, Jun 22nd, 1998 04:00 by Lilith DemHareIs ARTICLE

When it comes to the Act of Love, many, if not most, people are woefully unskilled. Now before you go off on some tirade about how you've had sex a thousand times, with hundreds of lovers...

That is exactly what I'm talking about. You, gentle reader, are a beginner, a novice, an 'armchair amour'. You know, in a subconscious way, that you lack the skills of a great lover. That is probably why you bounce from bed to bed. Once you have sex with someone, they're reluctant to ask you back, because you weren't as good as they had hoped you would be. And knowing your own skills (subconsciously), you are afraid of settling down with a single partner, because they will uncover how unskilled you really are.

Many people are under the erroneous impression that many partners makes a great lover. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the fewer partners you have, the greater your skill can become.

For example, take the concert master. He (or she) is a master at the violin. They are the best-of-the-best. Experts in music look at them and say, "wow, they are the best!". And if you asked the concert master how long they've been using that particular violin they hold, you would find that they have been using it their whole violin-playing life. Forty, fifty years or more. If you asked them to play a different violin, they would scoff at you. For the concert master knows their instrument, and the violin sings best at the touch of the master's hand.

Of course, there are violinists out there that can pick up many different instruments, and play them with no little skill. But while they can crank out a tune, they can never reach the level of a master.

Why is that?

Because they have never become "wedded" to any one particular violin. They have not the time nor opportunity to learn the various nuances of an instrument. Thus, they miss out on all the little extras that make the difference between an average musician and the best-of-the-best.

Thus it is so with the act of love.

When people hop from bed to bed, they claim that they are learning "variety". Who are you kidding? Bed-hoppers do not learn true variety. They are merely relearning basic skills they already possess. Where do they touch their lover, how do they kiss their lover, what turns their lover on... that sort of thing. And if the bedhoppers have to learn these basics each and every time they jump in the sack, they're not learning variety, or even new skills. They're simply repeating the same old beginners' stuff again. And they fail to progress.

Some people claim "experienced" lover status because they try something "kinky". Get real. Thinking that the "kinky" stuff make them experienced or advanced is a delusion. They seem to think that all these strange variations on lovemaking (or even plain sex) is the "next step up".

They're wrong. It's like trying to bow a violin with a sock. Sure, it'll make noise of some sort, but... why do it?

Many people turn to kinky stuff because they are inadequate in their own basic lovemaking skills. They fail to get pleasure from the tried-and- true because they don't know enough to be successfully satisfied. So they turn to the bizarre in hopes of getting their thrills. But it is not a sexual thrill the bizarre gives. It is simply the thrill of something strange that exites people. Believe me, if you stuff gerbils up various body orifices to get your thrills, do it often enough, and the "thrills" will begin to fade.

The true lovemaking master is one who has a steady and regular partner. (I prefer virgin monogamous marriage, myself.) With a little (correct) verbal instruction from someone with experience, the two beginner lovers can figure out the basics. (After all, you've got to start somewhere.) Once they've got the basics going, they can begin to explore more. They can learn, over a period of time, their own personal likes and dislikes. And they can fine tune. Once in a while, they can do external research from reputable sources (like the Kama Sutra or Song of Solomon) to help perfect their skills. The more they practice, and the more they communicate one with another, the better their skills will become. And this is what makes master lovers.

Master lovers will have satisfying sex most of the time. Man's delight will last longer than a few minutes, and a woman will orgasm (more than once, if she's lucky enough). The signs of masters do not show in just one session of lovemaking. But they will show over a period of time.

If both partners are not gaining satisfaction on a regular basis, then they're doing something wrong. It could be something as simple as a change in position, or it could be that they need to return to basics, and tune up their skills. It could even be something as simple as kissing. If one partner is not a good kisser, then they may not be arousing their lover enough to enjoy the act of love. Little tunings of skill can make a world of difference.

In today's world, it is becoming more foolish to "sleep around" for health reasons. But it has always been sensible to keep a single partner in a faithful relationship for far more than just keeping the warts away. The ancients knew about the skills of great lovers, and practiced them widely. It's a shame that the touch of the master is almost lost today.

  1828

 

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