The Thankless Job of World Domination

#Future

Mon, Feb 17th, 2003 01:00 by Lilith DemHareIs ARTICLE

Many potential World Dominators fail, not because their plans are imperfect, but rather because they rush their plans. There's always some junior sleuth who notices the pattern and puts the clues together, thus thwarting even the best-laid plans. The secret to evading these Nancy Drew wannabes is slow, gradual fruition of your clever designs.

The problem with this is that while you are more likely to avoid detection, you also fail to get noticed by all the minions you are trying to impress. Thus, the successful Domination of the World is a rather thankless job.

I've recently embarked on Phase II of my scheme of World Domination--the creation and training of a protege. My protege has already mastered Adorable Cuteness, but as we all know, that doesn't last forever, so she has already started on Cleverness as well. By the time these two skills have ceased to be effective on the populace at large, she will have developed Knowledge Application and Manipulation, and half the world will already be at her--ergo my--command... in theory.

Do you realise how much work and effort and sacrifice is required to successfully develop a protege? No, of course not. If you did, my job of World Domination wouldn't be so thankless. Believe you me, it's a lot of work. So much, that other plans have had to be laid aside.

Paying job? Forget it. Fancy toys? Scratch them too, unless your protege has already gotten to them, and has scratched them for you. Sleep? Don't even think about it. As for money...

While being a corporate drone may seem like a mindless way of spending far too much of your time, it does have its bright point--namely, in the form of Spendable. (And other forms of occupation do, to a greater or lesser degree, offer financial compensation... except for the early stages of Phase II of World Domination.) I often miss the bank account figures from my days as Corporate Drone.

Being the far-sighted individual I am, I dread looking into the future, when my protege drains my already-meager finances even drier. And by then, she may have a couple of compatriots. (What? You'd thought I'd just stop with one? Silly minions! We all know there is strength in numbers.)

And yet I look even further into the distant future, when all my proteges have grown, and have proteges of their own, dozens of happy little proteges that I can spoil rotten and bend to my ways, then send them back home, where they'll tell their parents, "Grandma said we're going to take over the world!"

Only then, will someone truly appreciate all my thankless years of work towards World Domination.

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