Life through the eyes of IMPROV

#Opinion

Mon, Jun 9th, 1997 03:00 by IMPROV ARTICLE

Why is it that when one is not single they have tons of others (usually of the opposite sex) approaching them? That is, in a sexual or "more than just friends" type of manner? Once one reaches the official standard of single all offers seem to disappear. If they don't, one should consider him(or her)self quite lucky. I have been one of the lucky ones...not two months ago my now ex-girlfriend dropped the bomb on me...claiming the classic, yet trite line "it's me... not you line" as to the reason for our break up. All that aside there is a point to this story...about three weeks after she broke my heart and tore my world apart we were talking as "friends". At this time she told me that she was depressed without me. In a sad kinda vindictive way I found that rewarding...does that make me a bad person...I don't think so...To all of you Capital Of Nasty Mag readers...be prepared for life through the eyes of IMPROV.......it may not be nice...but it’s always informed!!!!!!

Stupid Terms/Phrases

(This will be the first in a series of small, but significant observations about phrases/terms that many of us use on a daily basis)

Today’s subject: SHITLOAD (a.k.a. SHIT LOAD, SHIT-LOAD)

Why is it that we as humans must generalize everything? Why is it that we are so obsessed with time that we replace an actuality with a vague generalization? For instance: "I have a SHITLOAD of change here"(special thanks to the patrons of Mirage Bingo Toronto for that one).(Ironically Mirage Bingo is across from "no frills" - Editor)Why not say "I have a large amount of change", even "A lot of change “would suffice. I was just wondering...is a SHITLOAD a metric or imperial measure?...Can it be used for distances as well as weight? For instance:

Q: "How much further till we get there?" A: "A SHITLOAD!"

Don’t get me wrong...it’s not a swearing thing, I mean I swear just as much as the next fucking idiot...if anything it’s an ignorance thing. No one including myself, knows the limitations of a SHITLOAD. I mean who knows tomorrow you might wake up to a SHITLOAD of locusts eating your front lawn...and then that's it: Armageddon!! Or you might find a wallet with a SHITLOAD of money in it. Basically what I’m saying here is let's put some sort of boundaries on this load of shit we’re dealing with...or we could be in a SHITLOAD of trouble.

IMPROV

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