"Are you a pedophile? No? Then this is the car for you."


Thu, Aug 30th, 2012 20:00 by capnasty NEWS

If you're looking for a car, check out this KiJiJi post by Matt. He's currently selling his Ford Mustang, a car God would drive if "he wasn't so busy wreaking havoc on the Irish."

This isn't your normal Mustang. This motherf#$!er is the Mustang god would drive if he wasn't so busy wreaking havoc on the Irish. But seriously now, this thing goes hella fast, and likes to kick out like a drunk mule in the corners. Who doesn't like a car that can power slide like a hammered horse hybrid? Pedophiles that's who. Are you a pedophile? No? then this is the car for you. Children will run when they hear the ferocious V8 cruise up the road, this thing sounds like satan screaming in triumph, so it scares the little buggers off and out of the way.

Now I know what your thinking........"how does it handle"? Let me start off by reminding you that IT IS A MUSTANG. It does have tokico shocks and is lowered (1.5in on Eibach Pro kit springs) on wide muthafu&^@ing tires (10-inch wide in the back/9.5-inch wide in front to be exact), but don't expect it to handle like a WRX, its not supposed to. Thats like comparing a football player to a figure skater. This thing is designed to go balls out fast and not give a sh!t about the road around it. It devours the asphalt, it doesn't prance around it like a fairy doing cute little twirls and pirouettes.

What's that? How is it on gas? Who cares!! Its a performance tuned 5.4L V8 with a Triton truck engine from an '02 Ford Superduty (with records). You want economy go and buy what all the ladies buy, a mustang with a V6, or worse....the 4 cylinder. This is a mans car, and it screams TESTOSTERONE from the second you fire it up. 300hp & 335ft/lbs comes at the cost of fuel. But seriously, it'll get around 400k for $70 of premium, not that it should really be a consideration in purchasing this beast.

Interior wise, this horse is saddled up with all the bells & whistles, well everything that was offered except for cruise control. Who really wants cruise control anyways? Its for weenies that are too afraid to pass on the highway, and all this thing wants to do is pass everything in sight..............except for gas stations. It has leather seats (black on black) for four so you can get all freaky with 3 of the sexiest broads you can find (or afford). If your a chick, no dude will be able to stop staring at a chick that drives a car manlier then his. However, on the down side, if your overweight, your probably not gonna fit, its a sports car, so no fat chicks.

Believe it or not, this animal even has a stereo, the Mach460 stereo which is just the fancy factory stereo, but its called 'Mach' so its fast. I know, I know, who would even wanna turn on the stereo when you can listen to the sweet tones of the maganflow exhaust, unless ofcourse your a hippy. If thats the case, this car isnt for you.............its not exaclty a green vehicle if you catch my drift.

Like any champion breed, its been well groomed. All synthetic fluids, and even a fancy dancy Saleen body kit. Its on there to remind the world that this car must be feared, and i'm talking the kind of fear that makes baby wolverines cry. Real fear, not that feeling you get when you find out 'the bachelor' is going to be on for another season, but real, ball grabbing, fear.

So now to answer the question thats on your mind. Why sell this metric f!ck ton of a car? The answer is simple really. I don't want it anymore. That and I just bought a Cobra.

Anyways, so if you want to rob a bank, then outrun 3 choppers, 6 cruisers, and a K9 unit, this is the car for you. Its like a rocket on sterroids after a trip to taco bell trying to find the bathroom amongst a crowd of ravers.



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