A Canadian Perspective on the American Presidential Election Wars

#Politics

Tue, Aug 21st, 2012 11:00 by capnasty NEWS

Aside from the odd and unusual scandal, Canadian politics are quite boring. You see, explains Scott Feschuck of MacLeans magazine, Canadians "begin by pretty much ignoring the whole thing for a few weeks -- then there's a debate, a little yelling, maybe some pointing, every leader buys a bunch of Timbits and, boom, suddenly it's election day." In the United States, however, it starts weird and only gets weirder.

As you may recall, the current President is a Democrat by the name of Barack Obama. He killed Osama bin Laden -- not personally, but (the way he tells it) pretty much. When not killing bin Laden, which he totally did, by the way, President Obama passed a law that ensures a modicum of health coverage to everyone except Osama bin Laden, who is dead because Barack Obama killed him.

The Republicans have responded by selecting as their nominee one Willard Mitt Romney, who, had he been in office, would have killed Osama bin Laden even deader.

Romney looks like America's idea of a president. But he often sounds like America's idea of an eccentric uncle. Travelling in Michigan, Romney repeatedly made reference to his belief that trees in the state are "the right height." It's possible Romney was trying to evoke a timeless image from nature to symbolize American exceptionalism in an age of global volatility. He may also have been high.

Or maybe that's just Mitt Romney. Even when he says normal things they can come out sounding a little unusual. This week, he hailed the success of NASA's rover by boasting to a rally: "We just landed on Mars and took a good look at what's going on there!" He made it sound as though Curiosity was scoping out the chicks down at Applebee's.

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