If You're Reading This, Jesus Did Not Destroy the Earth -- So Now What?


Sat, May 21st, 2011 18:00 by capnasty NEWS

Okay, so I guess the world is still in one piece and Jesus decided not to smash us unbelievers to pieces -- reportedly it was supposed to happen at 6 PM, since God respects timezones and stuff. Which is great, because from reading this site, it sure sounds like Rapture would've sucked:

I'm not sure if anyone is aware of the dumb shit due to go down when The Rapture takes place - it's really fucking stupid. Immediately after The Rapture, a moment when god scoops his living followers up to heaven for their own safety, he begins executing judgments against unbelievers, during a period called the Tribulation. There's not a lot of good information to be had about the tribulation except that it will be really, really bad. All gardens will be eaten by slugs, every song will sound like Bucks Fizz. Coffee will taste like it does at the Tarana Hotel. It will be impossible to pay for a decent breakfast. You'll never get a seat on public transport. Fly feet will be twice as sticky. Newsapers will read like the sunday paper every day and the whole world will wear string-topped shoes. Worst of all, the only car available will be the automatic prius in puce.

So what happens after you spent your life's savings on transit advertising warning others of the imminent end and absolutely nothing happens?

Unfortunately, it sounds like religious fanatics will not take this uneventful judgement day as a sign that maybe they're wrong, give up thumping the Bible and join the rest of us normals. If anything, their religious fervour only grows stronger.

If you feel the need to talk to these people -- God only knows why when even He stopped talking to them -- here's some material that might help. At least, until the next end of the world prophecy.



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