I don't know the likelihood of this happening to any of you, but just in case you get taken hostage by a bunch of vicious Somali pirates, the European Union's naval forces countering piracy off the coast of Somalia have conveniently released this handy pamphlet, titled "Surviving Piracy Off the Coast of Somalia," it comes with all you need to know to make it back home alive -- well, eventually.
As Adam Rawnsely of Wired points out, the instructions can be summarized in a nutshell: don't piss the pirates off, don't think you're Steven Seagal, smile to your captors and, for the love of God (and all things holy), don't get high with the pirates.