CoN at the Movies

#Film

Mon, Jun 18th, 2001 04:00 by Jeff Wright ARTICLE

Hamlet had it easy.

Getting on with it. Watch, or don't watch the following films:

1. BATMAN (1989)

This movie kicks ass! I'm sure everyone's seen it already, but watch it again anyways. I think a lot of people (myself included), watched this a million times when younger, on video. I remember that one Christmas I got both BATMAN and WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT on tape. I watched BATMAN so much that I knew every line in it. I know others did too. Watch it again!!!!!

2. FEMALE CONVICT SCORPION

This is a fun little, women escaping prison movie from Japan. Scorpion is cool. She'd kick my ass, no problem. Not that people would have a hard time kicking my ass, but she'd really whoop me good (Admitedly, I'd probably enjoy it for a moment or two).

3. BATMAN (1989)

Just reminding you.

4. MY DRUNK DAD

Don't go looking for this in your local video store. It's an extremely rare film, that's only available on bootleg. It also shows up on TBS, from time to time. It's a really "funny" film.

5. COP AND A HALF

Don't watch this movie. It's bad. But it does feature a scene in which, Burt Reynolds plays "Swords" with a young child. 'What's "Swords"?' you say? I'm glad you asked. It's a game in which, two males (penises are required), both urinate into the same toilet, and cross streams. Not unlike in GHOSTBUSTERS.

6. BABY BOY

When it comes out next week, or the week after (I can't remember what the date is), go see it. Support the acting career of Snoop. We should all strive to be more like him. I am serious, incase someone thinks I'm joking.

7. PINKERTON by Weezer

Not a movie, but rather a brilliant CD. Buy it biatches! "I'm dumb, she's a lesbian. I thought that I had found the one. We were as good as married in my mind, but married in my mind's no good."

There. Now watch one of those movies, and buy that CD, or fuck off!

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