Thu, Jun 8th, 2000 04:00 by IMPROV ARTICLE

So I'm on the subway the other day and I see the most beautiful girl I've ever seen--so I follow her. Sure she's not going to my stop, but what do I care? This is the most beautiful person I've ever seen, this is my destiny. I can feel it.

I'm way too shy to just go up to her, I have to learn something about her before I approach her, if I blow this I'll never forgive myself. She lives in a basement apartment, the windows are small but I'm pretty sure with the right binoculars I can see in from the bushes across the street. God, she is beautiful.

This is just like the movies, I think to myself. Or that video for that pop song, you know the one where the guy thinks he knows he loves her, even though they've never met. Yeah, that'll be our song. And we'll listen to it all the time, maybe even when we make love. No wait I'm getting ahead of myself. I have to be realistic.she may not like me at all... no that's not possible, this is like a movie, yeah a movie script or something. It's perfect.

All I have to do is get to know things about her, you know so we have a few things in common. Yeah maybe it's a little weird to take the same aquafit class as her, but when she finds out that I did it just to get to know her we'll laugh about it with our grandchildren, like a sitcom from the seventies. It'll be just like a misunderstood situation on Three's Company.yeah.I'm like Jack Tripper, except I'm not pretending to be gay, but that's besides the point. She's gonna love it.

On our...uh I mean her way home from aquafit she likes to stop at this cute little coffee shop, she orders a low-fat no-foam latte, and takes it to go. Of course I'm never close enough to hear it, but surprisingly that Whisper 2000 I picked up at the pawnshop works pretty good. I'm not weird or anything, it's not like I use it all the time, I mean that'd be weird. Actually I also have a cassette player with me, most of the time I listen to "our song". Like a movie soundtrack, it sets the tone real nice. I only listen to her when she's interacting with someone... or something, you know like a dog, did I mention she loves dogs? Which could be a problem, I'm allergic, but I don't think her landlord allows pets, at least that's what he said when I asked. I bet she smells nice too.

So I'm sitting in the bushes across the road from her apartment, the other day. Well I had to. It was Wednesday. Party of Five was on. I think that's her favourite show, she never misses it. I was surprised the pawnshop had such a nice pair of binoculars for so cheap. Anyway, I was sitting there and I thought the most romantic thought ever thought by man. I am going to change my name for her. Well yeah, she doesn't know my name now, but after we fall in love and I tell her that my real name isn't Bailey. It'll be a hoot. I guess I'll pick Bailey, I don't really know any other character names from the show, the Whisper 2000 isn't that good. Maybe she won't like the name. Nah. Who am I kidding? She'll love it--I mean, after all she loves me.

I've always been a romantic, right from the start, in grade three I followed Julie Strombowski all the way home on the wrong bus, my mom had to pick me up 45 minutes away from home. I got grounded. Maybe I should've learned then. I guess that's why I'm, writing this from here.

But think about it, what if she hadda liked me. What if she hadda thought me being the only fat guy in aquafit was cute. I mean it's happened before. In books, movies, t.v., and songs I mean Christ it happens all the time in songs. And what about that commercial where the girl is wearing such nice perfume the guys chases after her and gives her flowers. I tried that once, and let me tell you daisy's taste like shit!

So here I am writing it all down. I got a lot of time to do that. Oh well maybe they'll make a movie out if it.



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