Happy Easter

Unless You're a Chocolate Bunny

#Religion

Mon, Apr 12th, 1999 03:00 by Samantha ARTICLE

Okay, so it's Easter weekend, and I'm sitting here in the smallest and most un-uplifting mall on the face of the earth (well, next to Gerrard Square, of course). As I watch the mounds (mounds meaning 20 or so people-but that's a lot in this place) of people run anxiously from Laura Secord to Hallmark, I can't help but wonder if Easter has been entirely lost on the human race. I mean, they did it to Christmas. It became less about the birth of Christ, and more about a fat man in a red suit getting his ass stuck in our chimneys in order to fill up our overgrown socks. Where the hell did that theory come from? Not to mention the Christmas tree- I mean, I'm pretty sure there wasn't an evergreen growing next to the manger, which Mary happily decorated before she gave birth.

But I digress, I WAS just going to discuss the atrocities behind Easter. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly the most religious person. Sure, I attended a Catholic high school, but I'm not even CATHOLIC. Not to mention the fact that now that I'm not forced to go, I attend church maybe twice a year-Christmas and Easter. So, I'll admit that I should not be person to talk about losing one's religion, but sometimes I get into these analytical moods, and just can't help it.

So, Christ died on the cross for us, "and the third day he rose again". My question to you is, where did chocolate bunnies and eggs come in? Did everyone celebrate in his resurrection by biting the head off of a chocolate peter rabbit after they rolled the stone away? I just don't get it. And the Easter Bunny, now there's a shitty character. Most kids I talk to today don't even know who he is. I hated him as a kid, because he always made me work for my chocolate. At least Santa would fill up your precariously positioned stocking. The Easter bunny hides the eggs, and then FORGETS where they're all hidden. Years down the line, you move and wonder what that moldy thing is behind the couch. Voila, a cobweb covered Easter egg from 1984.

It's just wrong. And not a very religious way to celebrate Christ's resurrection. People are at home, vomiting from too much chocolate, while nearly empty liturgies take place every five minutes for four days straight.

So now I look over at the huge crowd (by huge, I mean five or six people) surrounding Laura Secord, and sigh at their lack of religious involvement. But then I close my eyes, and wonder if the day will come when we appreciate these religious holidays for what they really are. In the meantime, I must go for my break now. And that reminds me, I have to stop at Laura Secord and get a chocolate bunny for my Mom.

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