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#Food

Mon, Nov 16th, 1998 03:00 by REVSCRJ ARTICLE

There is a wealth of idiots on the net, and they deserve a little abuse... oh hell, a lot of abuse... Most of them are just letting the leash of their psychosis out a little because they are faceless on the net... most of them are harmless, but many are just so damn open to ridicule that... well... one simply MUST deal them as they deserve. The following is a brief idea of how I have dealt with one (of many).

Me (hereafter- Janet): Hi room!

[several "Hi Janet" comments...but this one...]

x: Hi Janet! Whats a cute girl like you doing in a sleazy room likethis?

Janet: My parents went to see the English patient at the movies or somthing and Im bored out of my mind!! I haaaaaaaaate being bored, it sucks!

x: Yeah, I know what you mean. Are you alone?

Janet["j"]: Uh-huh

x: How old are you?

J: 15

x: What do you look like?

[Ahhh, a deviant worth pestering- the...uhm..."moral" ones will say "ohyou are too young"- which, believe it or not, happens often]

J: ...Why...? ;-)

[the wink... how can we praise thee? You emoticon, sooooo alluring...heh-heh]

x: Because I like you.

J: You do? How cum?

["cum"- use it when you can, it is better than a worm on a hook]

x: You seem cool.

[if you doubt that this is a dev. reread what we've exchanged and judgehow cool I seem]

J: How old are you?

x: 38. Do you want to talk?

J: I like to talk, I get in trouble at school all the time for talking!

[Verisimilitude...use it like an axe]

x: Hey, do you want to get a private room so we don't have to look at all this other stuff?

J: Sure!

[okay, here is where the fun begins. Somewhere in the US there is a guy who is likely exposed and slavering...he wrongly thinks I am a) 14 and b) female... ahhh, idiots... gullible idiots...but more importantly PEDOPHILLIC idiots... so now we need an angle]

x:Janet

x:janet

x:Janet

J: Hi! I'm here!

x: so you were going to tell me what you look like

J: Do you like MEAT?[this was totally nonsequiter, but turned out to be a good angle]

x: What do you mean?

J: Meat! like Ham do you like it?

x: Yeah...I guess...

J: I had ham before, oh god I LUV MEAT, can I call you daddy?

[nonsequiter/titillation: keep 'em confused and 1/2 hard]

x: Does it make you hot?

J: like pork in the oven, like the inside of a cow! Can I call youDADDY!?

x: Uh sure

J: I have a ham bone from dinner, its hard and big like the that vietnam wall thingee where all the dead guy names are at.

x: A ham bone, huh? Do you want to cyber?

J: Cyber what, daddy?

[I was a novice at this back then and did not "know"]

x: Cybersex silly! Hot talk!

[Hot talk? Sheesh!]

J: 23

x: what?

j: typo. Mmmmmm...I just luv ["luv" is another good one] big meat

x: Really? Guess what Im doing right now? Hint: big meat

j: Typing

x: With my other hand

j: Holding a huge juicy piece of tri-tip and its all hot and steamy, JUICE is running down your arm and you are SQEEZING it...are you daddy, are you?!

x: Uh this is weird

j: Yeah, the boys at school say I am a superfreak!

x: Do you do anything with them?

j: Bar-b-que. Are you from Virginia?

x: No I am in California

J: I loooooooove virginia- they grow good pigs there- and it sounds like virgin

x: Are you a virgin Janet?

J: Call me baby.

x: Are you a virgin baby?

j: No Im from Delaware

x: ...no, has a boy ever FUCKED YOU?

[here we see the frustration as ALL CAPS appear, I have a theory that the limper the mark becomes the more caps that will appear]

j: Not a boy

x: A girl?

j: 23

x: Whats with 23?

j: Typo...daddy, why arent you calling me baby?

x: Im stroking my cock

j: So you cant call me baby? is it gristly?

x: What?

j: coz I hate it when meat is gristly- it gets stuck between your teeth and you chew and chew. I hate it!

x: Im gonna go

j: Dont leave me daddy....

x: Tell me what youre doing with that bone

[Are you baiting me?]

J: mmmmmmm...Im sucking the marrow out with big wet slurps

x: That makes me hard

j: Marrow turns you on?

x: No you sucking on it

j; I love sucking marrow, I think about the pig squeeling and its like blood candy...mmmmmmmmmmmmmeat

x: Whoa. Im gonna go.

j: But you just started! Hey you know what I like to do with honey, daddy?

x: Put it on ham?

j: YES! YES! OH GOD YES! Mmmmmmmm honey, ohhhhhh god! A BIG PIECE OF MEAT WITH HONEY ALLLLLLLLLLLL OVER IT!

x: What about my meat and honey?

j: 23

x: THATS NOT A TYPO!

[I am growing bored of this guy, and well, there are other angles to runtime to drop it]

j: I secretly wish I was a 23 year old woman

x: why?

j: Coz then I could get the hell out of my Graphic Design job and leave my girlfriend once and for all.

x: What?

j: I have a son

x: YOU ARE REALLY SICK!

j: Yeah...he calls me daddy too.

And BOOM- like that he is gone and I am left with the satisfaction of having ruined someone's paedophilic masturbatory experience. Such fun! So next time you are "cruisin'" the info-highway maybe we'll run into each-other... heh-heh-heh...

  1900

 

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