Me on the Womb...

#Death

Fri, Mar 25th, 2005 06:00 by Kim ARTICLE

Today I got a big informational packet from Quincy University. I was talking to my friend Mike W. about what we were going to be when we grow older. Which colleges we wanted to go to. And so on.

I casually tossed the ten pound packet inviting me to visit yet another 'lovely and enriching' campus into the drawer with the rest of the 'most diverse' college campuses in the entire continental united states. Last time I checked, I was trying to pick out which shirt to wear in the morning, not where I would find my calling and start my career! It was like all my time to consider my options in life had passed me by whilst I hooted and a' hollered with the best of the pep rallies and enchanting homecoming dances. It all became very clear that these glorious years of my life were gone-gone-gone!

And I was left in an unfamiliar place in my life.

Now here I am and thinking, maybe a bit too much. I'm so scared to go out into the world and be ENTIRELY independent from my parents. The world doesn't prepare us for the 'real world.' They carefully construct us a womb and force us to accept and adapt to it, only to force us out into a cold, harsh, world with a plethora of opportunity and choices.

Now think of the word 'womb,' alright.

You're conceived in a warm, safe, environment where your nutrients are given to you with no pretense, and although you've got a lot to take care of while you're developing and discovering your own existence, you're life is pretty well taken care of for you. One day you're induced from your only knowledge of the entire universe, and given to this cold world where you are exposed to elements that you may not even want to experience!

Life is always this way. We are taught to adjust to 'the way things are,' and then everything is changed, and it's all beyond our control. This happens repeatedly throughout our projected 60-80 years we are given. We get nap time up until first grade. Then we lose that but we can keep recess until junior high. And then, we lose that but we can still depend on our parents for rides and money. Eventually that?s gone too and we need to find a job to buy our own shit, but we still get to live under someone else's roof. And then we lose that too.

Here comes college and then marriage and children, can't you see what I'm saying? We constantly have to get comfortable with our lives, and it never stays the way we leave it! It's like when you spend your entire month trashing your room exactly the way you want it, your mess, your problems.

Then someone just comes in and CLEANS your room without even consulting you. You have to start all over making a mess, and using all different things to do it because all the previous trash got thrown away! It?s a sick joke. I swear I'm kicking my kids out of the house as soon as they can walk. I will teach them how to live on their own when necessary WAY before they are ready to.

This is because it's a terrifying thing being a high school senior on top of the world one day, having your mom pay your house and utility payments, but then you wake up and you're hung over from the celebratory get-together at Timmy's house thrown to welcome yourselves to adulthood and you're looking at the suitcase your mom packed for you overnight and the note that says "here's five bucks for McDonalds. Get a job. Don't forget to wear clean underwear. XOXOXO-Mommy." Yeah... real prepared.

So you get to college right, and you get a nice pad right off campus -- like 50 miles from home. You get yourself a job right, and you go to a few classes right, and you get all drunk right, because that's the 'thing to do,' and you don't know what the fuck is going on! You're just there and you've got these bills coming in but you don't know what the numbers mean and next thing you know your water is off and you can?t figure out what the strange numbers in your chequebook mean and you blew all the cash on the car and beer and three hot dates in one weekend and you missed another class and you are hungry and the pizza place AND the Chinese food place know you on a first name basis and holy shit you're on the phone "MOM! SEND BROWNIES!!!"

This ain't summer camp scout. This is your life, see the welcome mat? Wait a minute, that wasn't there BEFORE you got blackout drunk the day before your final exam in your 'botany' class! Somehow you make it through college on good looks and beer, and now you've got this wife and kid and this weird job of which you don't even know you're own title. You've hired someone else to figure out the numbers in your check book for you, and when the wife says no drinking, you listen because she cooks your food.

Basically, you've recreated yourself the womb you grew up in. You've got a good, pretty woman who cooks your dinner, you've got a few bratty kids running around, you're bills are paid without worry by the Jew you've hired. Yeah, standard-average-normal American dream!

See, if only high school prepared us for THAT, we'd be in shape. But no! High school is a dimension separate from all else. It matters how fast you can run in high school. It matters what shoes you wear in high school. It matters what the bathroom walls say in high school. The day after graduation, none of it has any merit any longer. It sickens me to think that people care about that kind of stuff in high school. (Perhaps it's good to point out, that in the end that 80% in chemistry, doesn't mean a lick to your boss in the real world) I get by trying to just live, and savor the moment.

The womb will recreate ITSELF.

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