Isn't it Cute?

#Relationships

Wed, Dec 10th, 1997 02:00 by IMPROV ARTICLE

So, my girlfriend and I are having lunch together. She happens to have baby carrots with her meal. She holds one up and asks, "Isn't it cute?"

Well actually no... no its not at all. It's a fucking vegetable!! Vegetables are not cute. I think through this one question I have figured out women... I may very well be the first man to have this priceless knowledge, and of course, being the caring guy that I am, I will share this information with you. (Nevermind the fact that I haven't written an article in a month)

Women look at the world in a much different manner then do men, I know what you are thinking, "no shit dumb ass" but really think about it: Do you know any men that look at things (that are normally large, but aren?t) and think, "Awww isn?t that cute?" I can?t recall the last time I was out with the boys and good ol? Gerry turns to me while gesturing to a bonsai tree and says, "Now that?s cute!" When I look at a pit bull puppy I envision it ripping a large hole on my lower calf! A woman will look at that same puppy and think that it is just the cutest thing... nevermind the fact that in six months time that "cute thing" will snap and tear your throat out and mix your larynx in with it?s puppy chow for dinner. But no because it is small right now, it?s cute.

What if Jeffery Dahmer was a midget? ... Would he have been cute? I honestly think that if Paul Bernardo looked like that guy who played Webster, there would be a movement for his release!

The only thing that women look at and think bigger is better is the penis, the one thing that most men wouldn?t mind the whole less is better theory. No of course not, women want their men to be hung like horses... not "cute" hamsters!!!

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