Hello children of the cheese. We get alot of mail here at the Cheese Factory from people who have websites that ask "Why don't people visit my website?" Well it's time to be brutally frank and run down the list of why some people's personal websites bite, and some tips on how to make them better.
1 Don't Put Pictures Of Your Personal Belongings On Your Website- Why is it that everytime I visit somebody's website they have some silly little line such as.. "Hi my name is nick, and I drive a van. Click here if you would like to see a picture of my van." No one wants to see a stupid picture of your '77 chevy love machine. Oh and how about..." I have a cat named Dooky. Click here to see a picture of dooky." Uhhhhh do you think there are people whose lives are sad enough to seek comfort in a friggen picture of your cat? Please people remember, if your going to put pictures on your website make sure they're pictures of semi nude models or fights in bars. That's what the kids want to see!
2 Don't Use Your Name For The Title Of Your Website With The Word Fun Attached- If your going to name your website please refrain from using titles such as "Mike's Fun Website." People don't give a rat's pooper what Mike finds fun. A title for a website should try to draw the viewer in or at least mislead them! A cool title for a website would be "Crazy Nate's House Of Girls And Farm Animals." Even if the site doesn't contain any of that stuff at least you have the person stuck in your site. You can worry about explaining the title later.
3 People Don't Need To Know You Too Well!- Okay I understand if you would like to let people know about you, and who you are, but we have to draw the line somewhere. Don't put.....
35 Linefield Road Medfield Mass
Credit Card Number- 4454-323-2323
Social Security Number- 3442-34-3343
Number Of Weeks Spent At A State Hospital- 23
Favorite Movie- Howard The Duck
Now the only problem with this one is he admitted he actually liked Howard The Duck. It's okay to put your credit card number online because it shows that you trust people enough to let them use your credit card occasionally to buy stuff... as long as they pay you back of course. We're all honest... right people?
4 Don't Make A Website If Your Just Going To Have A Bunch Of Links To Other Websites- If your going to make a website don't make a site with a bunch of links to other pages...
Hi My Name Is Lisa And Here Are My Favorite Places To Visit...
Why would someone visit a website if they knew that person was just going to show them other websites they like. You don't even know the person why would you care where they like to visit? If your going to have a website at least have a couple of sections with your thoughts on something.
5 If Your Just Going To Have A Site Full Of Links... Just Make Sure The "CHEESE FACTORY OF FUN AND LOVE" Is At The Top Of Your List- At least people will know you have taste.
6 One Picture Of You On Your Website Is Enough- Please refrain from having a site that looks like....
Hi My Name Is Mike. Click here to see a picture of me Mike's Stupid Picture. Click here to see a picture of me in Europe Some More Of Mike's Stupid Pictures. Click here to see a picture of me in my Van And Yet Another Dose Of Mike's Stupid Pictures.
One picture of you is enough.
Well that's about all for today's lesson. Please feel free to write to me about life or fast cars... [email protected]
|Grow a Face|
|AirPNP: the AirBNB for Toilets|
|Forecast: Facebook to Lose 80% of Users by 2017|
|The Numbers Behind Pornography|
|“Both spacecraft are still operational when they reached interstellar space.”|
|"Free apps make money by selling your personal data."|
|CaptchaTweet: Write Tweets in Captcha Form|
|The (Very Scary) People of Public Transit|
|How to Avoid Jury Duty|
|“Initial riders may be more comfortable getting into a car with a human in the driver seat.”|
|Fake Name Generator|
|Naked Preacher Lady [NSFW]|
|The Festive Funk Machine: Click to Make Your Own Festive Music|
|Recycled Vacuum Lamps|