Asian Flicks

(not to be confused with Asian Chicks)

#Film

Mon, Sep 29th, 1997 03:00 by IMPROV ARTICLE

Okay...so I've been watching a lot of Hong Kong made movies lately. Y'know Jackie Chan, John Woo...that kinda martial arts stuff. They're good, some are even great, but I have a few observations about Asian cinema I'd like to share with you:

Why do all Asian towns have chickens running around in the streets?

How much does a sheet metal shanty cost?...two, three million Yen?

If one can only afford to live in said shanty, how come there are really expensive speed boats (that are easily stolen) near by?

There is always a dying uncle or father, an old man of some sorts. He gets killed. The nephew or son of this poor old bastard finds it necessary to avenge his death. Why? The way I see it the murderer has done the old guy a favour... put him out of his misery. As for the nephew/son, he should be happy, do you know the costs of keeping old Asian men alive? Well, I don't know the exact figures but I'm sure it can't be cheap to hire a young, attractive, helpless nurse (that screams a lot) to take care of him. If I was the nephew/son, I'd take the killer out for a Sapporo or some Saki to thank him for all the Yen he's saving me.

When dubbing an Asian martial arts flick, whose genius idea is it to use British actors? Not just that but British actors in a room that echoes. I don't know for sure...but it's a pretty safe bet that all of Asia doesn't echo.

As for sub titled movies... Why is it then when I'm watching a sub titled movie the voices are still dubbed? I mean couldn't the North American distributors get their hands on a version of the movie that hasn't been dubbed from one Asian language to another? Because I want to hear the intonation in Chow Yun Fat's voice as he blasts away at thirty or forty victims. (By the way Chow Yun Fat is the greatest).

One last question: How many rounds does a .9mm Glock have? Because if I was going to use these movies as a guide, I'd have to say at least 50-60.

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