Dunkin' Donuts

Regular Man's Starbucks or Evil Coffee Makers from Hell?

#Food

Mon, Jan 26th, 2004 01:00 by Smitty-boy ARTICLE

We?ve all heard about places with a Starbucks on every corner, or even seen it ourselves. In Houston, Texas there's even a Starbucks across from a Starbucks. With their popularity and reputation, Starbucks has become America?s most popular coffee chain.

However, in the shadow of the corporate giant, another company is on the rise and has been for some time. Dunkin? Donuts, with much cheaper prices, and sometimes better product, is putting up store after store. More and more people are flocking to them. Advertisements for good coffee at a cheap price can?t be ignored by the masses. Worst of all, their coffee IS good. There?s nothing I hate more than truth in advertising, ruining that time-honored American tradition of, well, lying.

On a strictly local level, there are more Dunkin? Donuts than there are Starbucks. Which, if you think about it, is frightening. Their doughnuts aren?t even good. If you?ve ever had them, you?ll know this; if you haven?t, don?t bother. Don?t let anyone disagree with you either. The only real doughnuts are honeydew?s, and after those, you never go back.

The worst thing about Dunkin? Donuts is their name. I teach 6th grade CCD and I asked one of my kids to go write a sentence on the board. It was something about doughnuts and I almost didn?t catch this, but he spelled it ?donut? and not ?doughnut.? I had to spend the rest of the class explaining to them that ?donut? is part of a company?s name, where ?doughnut? is a food. I can understand why Dunkin? Donuts spells their name the way they do, after all, who wants to go to a place called ?Dunkin? Doughnuts??

At another look, it could be subliminal messaging. Analyzing each word produces this information:

?Dunkin?? Take away the apostrophe and you have ?Dunkin.? That is a person?s name, so obviously the message is for him.

Now the other word ?Donuts.? As one word it means nothing, just a short version of doughnuts, no harm right? Wrong! When separated, it produces the words ?do? and ?nuts? in that order.

When all three words are placed together in the order they appear you have the
phrase, ?Dunkin, do nuts.? ?Do? when used in the context of that sentence means only one thing, to have intercourse with said nuts. ?Nuts? are obviously not actual nuts because (to my knowledge) you can?t have sex with one. People who are mentally unstable or insane are often referred to as ?nuts?, though.

With all of this information we reach the conclusion that ?Dunkin? Donuts? actually is saying ?Dunkin, have sexual intercourse with mentally unstable and insane people.? Honestly now, do YOU want to get food from a place telling poor Dunkin to do that? I certainly hope not. More importantly, what about people named Dunkin whom have been exposed to this subliminal plot? What about those who have yet to see it?

We must stop this madness before it is too late and every person throughout the world named Dunkin is thrown in jail for defiling the mentally insane.

  1979

 

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