Lie low, Fly high

#Life

Mon, Dec 22nd, 2003 03:00 by N. SPed ARTICLE

Honesty isn't the best policy. Anybody who tells you so is a liar who deserves to get their pants caught on fire. Or perhaps, they're crazy. It's a fine line. At any rate lying, dishonesty, whatever you want to call it should be a natural, healthy part of everyone's lives. Especially if you need to get you're ass out of unpleasant situations. However, for many people, they can't lie easily. Or rather, they can't get away with lying so much. Luckily for me, I can and luckily for you, I shall impart some wisdom.

Now to excel in the art of lying, it helps if you have some level of intelligence or intellectuality and maybe a hint of multiple-personality disorder. These things are ideal in creating another reality in which the lies you tell can be true.

For teenagers lots of lying is necessary to deal with parents whether it be from homework crap, or jail time, or defacing the neighbourhood statue of the block's founding father, etc. If your parents are negligent or stupid, you might get away with a "Duh... I didn't do it. It's um... Bobby's fault... I always try to be good for you," responded with an "Aw honey, I would never suspect something as horrible as that from you, my wittle baby waby." I know there are a lot of ignorant parents or parents in denial out there, however some teens aren't that fortunate.

For these teens, it is necessary to be somewhat schizo and create another world for their alter-ego, which they will inevitably come to believe as the truth. It is also important to take note of opportunities to use friends who are out of town for alibis, for example. If you want to spend the night on the town creating a ruckus, or whatever kids call it these days, don't do something simple like say you're sleeping at your best friend's house, while having them tell the same untruth to their parents, and then proceed to wreak havoc. Parents talk, and parents punish. Whenever you partner up with somebody, they are bound to screw things up for you. It's every person for themselves. Anyway, if you want to stir up the shit, say that you're staying at distant friend' house - someone you only see once in a while, somebody whom your parents have no contact with. Create a situation of how the night went, the good wholesome activities that transpired with this reunion, and perhaps write it down before you get drunk and forget it. Don't, however, say you watched a movie when you haven't. I can't begin to mention how stupid that is. Also keep in mind of how your distant friend should be. Your parents may question you about that, so create another character for this fa?ade. Then rehearse this false little scene till you believe it actually happened.

After this point of preparation, it should get easier unless you happen to get drunk. That may impair you from covering your tracks. Otherwise, like I said - it should be simple. Basically what you have to do is be familiar with the surroundings where you will be in these moments of fraudulence. Note every security camera and avoid them, and make sure you're out of sight for anybody who may be working incognito for the folks. And it would work better if all this rabblerousing was done within a short period of time to limit the risks of getting caught.

Now, when you face your parents don't spew out your work of fiction. That's definitely unnatural. Unless you have ADD or are one of those unnaturally and annoyingly perky people who speak willingly, whom I would like to shoot with tranqs or if I can't get those, then maybe a dart gun shall suffice. Otherwise, just answer the way you normally would. Short, incoherent answers that don't divulge too much. Just keep it simple, you know, like you. That way, they will be none the wiser, and you will have gotten away with the defacement of let's say the community statue, eh?

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