Jesus makes a deal with Corporate Santa

#Advertising

Mon, Dec 22nd, 2003 01:00 by Cult Girl ARTICLE

If you celebrate the joyous wonderment that is Christmas, and wondered where the heck it came from, you might want to read on.

For some, Christmas is a religious holiday. It?s the celebration of the birth of Christ, ?our [gag me] saviour?. Jesus Christ was born on December 25th, or so some think. Would you be surprised that scholars, religious and non, have no real clue as to when he was born. So, why is the 25th celebrated?

Some monk in the sixth century named Dionysius Exiguus decided to fix the Christian calendar and chose December 25 as Jesus? birth. They thought it would be nice because it coincided with a number of pagan feast and celebration days. Religious leaders hoped it would help convert those darn pagans. December 25 isn?t all that far off for a guess. Some Catholic scholars for example think Jesus was born around 6 or 7 B.C. (meaning 747-749 a.u.c., according to the Catholic encyclopaedia) in May, October or December when planets were in line to show an incredibly bright star in the sky. So, does this mean Jesus could be a Taurus?

Not only is his birthday possibly wrong big time, but also some of his miracles can be questioned. A Discovery channel special stated that his so-called resurrection could have been aided by the use of mandrake, which was a locally available anaesthetic. Not like I?m going to believe some television show, but it seemed more plausible to me than him coming back to life.

Further, the documentary questioned his arrayan good looks by recreating him visually using forensic technology, ancient documents, and a ?2000 year-old Jewish skull?. According to the Discovery channel, Jesus had curly dark hair and dark skin and eyes. Now this wasn?t a shocking idea to me, but it stirred up a big fuss with the religious zealots! Even when very young I thought it was strange that the Jerusalem native was a blonde. Images of blonde Jesus are still very popular in North America. Someone probably thought it would be easier to sell their photographic Jesus candles and other religious junk with a blonde on the cover.

Another controversy about Jesus came up recently. It came in the form of a book called ?The Da Vinci Code?. It talks of Jesus and Mary Magdalene (a prostitute) being married and having children. This could be an interesting element if at all true. You could be a descendent of Jebus, I mean Jesus. Just think of the possibilities. You could probably start that cult you?ve been dreaming of.

Anyway, how does Santa fit in? Santa is traditionally thought of as coming from the European tradition of St. Nicholas. St. Nick was a generous soul who gave to the poor, saved lost sailors, and took care of children (like Michael Jackson?). He was celebrated on December 6th with a religious feast and gift giving. Protestants decided to incorporate him in with Jesus? birthday explaining that gift giving was like the three wise men that gave gifts to baby Jesus. (Thinking about it, I?d be giving gifts to baby Jesus too if I were them. I wouldn?t want to burn any bridges with what could be the son?of-god now would I?)

Author Clement C. Moore depicted modern Santa in his 1800s book entitled ?A Visit from St. Nicholas?, a.k.a. ?The Night Before Christmas?. Now in this book, Santa?s role was altered from past depictions. St. Nick no longer travelled by a horse with his side-kick ?Black Peter?, but with eight reindeer. Black Peter was an elf that punished naughty children, but disappears from the new tale. They took away the cool part: Black Peter. Where did he go? Is it because he was black? The Victorians had a funny way of making things very white-washed in North America.

Santa as we know him in North America is really the invention of a Victorian artist named Thomas Nast who was also credited with the artistic rendition of Uncle Sam (who sometimes looks like Abraham Lincoln). Santa at this time was now created to look like a fat cat, white freak that wears a lot of red. Why red? Does it have to do with the Blood of Christ? Is it so he?ll be spotted easily? The guy is huge! He should wear black, it?s more slimming. Also popularizing the image of jolly St. Nick was the Coke Corporation. Making a buck on those with religious and festive zeal, they used his image to sell cola.

I?m sure I?m not the only one who?s noticed that re-arranging the letters of Santa gives you Satan. Die hard Christians pulled out of the bible somewhere that there is a false religion present in our time that has been created by Satan. This false religion was meant to mislead people from the path to heaven. It is just a thought, but could it be the cult of Santa? Who else would create a celebration falsely based on the birth of Christ to encourage spending, greed and creating a wider gap between large corporations (the rich) from the poor--other than Satan?

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