Stop Calling Yourself an Evangelist

You're no Kawasaki

Written by Lord Lansdowne

I'm often surprised how often I meet someone who has the word "evangelist" in their title. Seriously? It's the 21st century, are you guys still calling yourself that? C'mon.

Calling yourself an evangelist may have seemed clever a couple of decades ago. Even I, the first time I heard it, thought it was pretty cool. But now a days I keep meeting you guys. Are we all this boring and unoriginal? That's depressing.

Imagine everyone you met had a title of Ninja. "Hey, this is so-and-so and he's our 'PHP Ninja.'" After a while, you'd be sick and tired of meeting all these PHP ninjas.

No, I get it. It's a real job. It's a real title. I get what an evangelist does: they rally the masses. They build up the brand. They sway public opinion. You know who did this really well? Apple's Guy Kawasaki. Twice. Look at how a once-laughable brand now has built billions in revenue on the cult-like adoration its followers have for it.

And that's the problem there, isn't it?

When I think of an evangelist, I think of people like Benny Hinn, selling healing water and who can cure someone just by touching that person's forehead. Look! They're healed! He doesn't need that wheelchair anymore! It's at this point that my bullshit-detector is going off louder than a Geiger counter.

And since we're discussing religion, you know who also does not like evangelists? Jesus. In the Bible they're called Pharisees, but Jesus prefers the term hypocrites, who "are full of extortion and self-indulgence." (Matt 23:25-26).

Mark 7:5-7 He answered and said to them, "Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written: 'This people honors Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.'

I know, look at me, quoting the bible.

But seriously now, is this what you want people to think when you introduce yourself? Even Jesus hates you. You're an Envagelist, isn't that a sign?

You know what you should use instead? "Bullshitter". I'm not being facetious. You'd short circuit people like me, coming right out in the open. It would be refreshing. And while the gullible would still follow and believe in you, you might even capture some of the skeptics.

At least until the trend catches on and everyone else starts calling themselves "Bullshitters," too.