Written by Ference Calvin

Why can't I analyze people? Because it's not my field? What the fuck? Seriously. I can analyze an electric circuit, I can analyze a computer program. Why not a person? Because I can't quantify a person? Because I can't say "Hate=5" or "Love = 4"? I can't do that with a computer program. Funny eh? I can't.

Why? Because they are fucking concepts. Not numbers. Of course at the basis it's a series of zeros and ones. But if I start analyzing every zero or one individually I will never be able to finish. I could analyze machine code.

But no, not effective.

Even if I analyze a computer program that does mathematics, I will be analyzing the concept of the mathematics and its computer algorithm, NOT a series of number. I can't quantify programs like I can quantify an electric circuit.

Of course, in a circuit, I see currents going into different branches and, with their physical properties that it has, it will give a certain value at certain areas. I can't do this with programs, nor can I do this with people. Why? Well like I said I can't quantify people so I need to understand concepts. The concept of hatred and the concept of love, for example. Of course they are not easy to understand. But please people, don't fucking tell me it's not my field or that I don't have the degree in psychology to do so. You don't need to have Einstein?s brain to understand E = MC2. Energy is equal to the mass multiplied by the speed of light squared. I understand the CONCEPT not how he got to it.

I can read a book of psychology, or a paper on a subject and understand its concepts and apply them in real life: NOT COMPLICATED. I don't ask people to do the same thing as I do. I've understood that analyzing a computer program is the same as analyzing someone. The specific techniques are different of course, but the basic principles still apply. And I can apply these principles on everything. It is in all honesty not complicated.

But, like I said, I don't expect people to do this to my extent but for the sake of humanity: please don't think it's impossible to understand someone because you or I don't have a degree in psychology. I can look at myself and understand myself better; I don't need to help of a psychologist to understand that I'm bi-polar. Of course to get a medical certificate, you need someone that has the legal title to issue them, which I have not. But it doesn't matter if he has the legal right to practice psychology or not, I can still see someone and tell why he is doing such and such.

You see, it's like people who follow feelings or instincts without thinking. You ask them, why do you feel that way? They'll most of the time say: "I don't know". They'll take a decision with only their feelings/instincts in it without taking others in consideration.

For example, I had the feeling that I was going to fail my History class. I looked at myself and told myself, why? Well, I failed the first exam, and then the second one, because my girlfriend had left me. The term essay that I had to write, well, I kinda botched that too. I wasn't sure how I did on the third test but it didn't matter. I was feeling like I was about to fail. And, besides, when your girlfriend leaves you, the fact that you are not doing so well in school is overshadowed by the emotional turmoil you experience.

My teacher asked me to come see her in her office and asked me what was going on. And I told her: "I'm sorry Ma'am, I wasn't feeling too well when I did that exam". She asked me why. "My girlfriend left me last week, so I haven't been feeling too well". And you know what she told me? "You should have told me, I would have pushed your test back a week or two so that you would feel better".

And then it struck me: she is a human being as well. She has feelings and she understands and recognizes them in others. The term paper was submitted around the same time as this and you know what? I passed. Seems like she gave me extra marks here and there, was less harsh on marking. All because she knew how I felt. When I remember all of this I stop stressing about this "instinct" I had. Why? Because I understood WHY I was feeling it and I remembered her involvement in it, how she had emotions as well.

In my opinion, "bad feelings" or "instincts" should be followed, but not without applying a modicum of rationality behind it. I am not saying you need to push it to my extent. But bloody hell it is not difficult to think of it like I did. I know I've been doing this for a long time, but if everyone did this, there would be MUCH less problems in life. Basic analysis: nothing complicated. A redneck from Texas could probably pull this off if he thought about it correctly.

In my rant here, it seems that I was having a monologue with myself in the shower: I was, the words drowned by the sound of the water, but the forming of sentences putting clear thoughts in my head of what was bothering me. But this monologue had my ex in mind while I was having it and even mentioned her name a couple times. And you know what? I now know why. Why? Basic analysis, of course: by explaining it to myself and analyzing what was being said, I understood and finally accepted that I have anger towards her, even while I still love her at the time I'm writing this. I can finally say it: I am angry towards her.

I wanted people to read this and understand me--and maybe even themselves--a little better, which is why I didn't start writing right off the bat that I was angry at my ex-girlfriend. Hopefully this may have some of them stop saying stupid shit like: "It's impossible to always have an answer, even if you look at it for a long time". Fuck I hate it when people say that. Just to say, people... please get your heads out of your asses and try to see some light. Take a second, formulate things in your mind, empathize with yourself and others. It is not that difficult.