Basil Baxter goes to a wedding

Written by Basil Baxter

The church bells rang. The newlyweds stood outside the small church, their family gathered around them. Basil wore his best suit. He held up a tray with flash powder while peering through the viewfinder that protruded from under the black veil. It had been a beautiful wedding. The bride looked radiant. No one, except for the family doctor who had attended discretely, knew that she was three months into her pregnancy. The couple had decided to do 'the right thing' before anyone would find out. So, it wouldn't be a shotgun wedding. That disappointed Basil a bit, but he had thought up a way to correct this unfortunate state of affairs.

The vicar had made a moving speech. The bride and groom were very much in love. The mothers had cried, the fathers were still swaying from the copious amounts of beer they had imbibed at the bachelor party. It looked like rain, but for now it was still dry. It was a pretty spring morning and blossoms floated through the air. It was going to be a pretty picture, just how pretty, only Basil knew.

'A little closer, closer...' Basil directed the group until they were all perfectly in frame. 'Now smile at the birdy...' There was a flash. The Anthrax powder mixed in with the flash powder floated up perfectly. Then Basil pressed the button. A modified stinger land-to-air missile fired from under the veil and exploded right at the newlywed's feet. Blood, gore, limbs and one solitary shoe splashed against the church wall. High above the bride's bouquet arched through the cloudy sky. Basil caught it as it came down. 'Guess I'm next, any volunteers?' he said to the stunned wedding guests, and winked at them. White powder had drifted over their best suits.

He picked up his tripod and slung it over his shoulder. 'I also do funerals.' He told them as he sauntered off, down the church driveway.

Remember: Black Mamba's make good pets, Rabid dogs don't bite if you stare them down, Dolphins are the ones with the triangular dorsal fins. Basil Baxter Loves You.