Finding "The One"

Life's seemingly never ending quest

Written by Darren Tanguay

Why is it that people put so much effort into finding ?The One?, your soul mate, significant other or in my case, the better half of the relationship equation (Not me, her, I?m not THAT conceited). Maybe it?s because, next to dying, finding that person is the biggest event that will occur in most people?s lives. Some might argue this point, but I think that ceasing to exist in a tangible form is probably the biggest thing in anyone?s life. I suppose other things are fairly life changing, but let?s be honest here, most of us are not about to win a gold medal at the Olympics or a Nobel Prize any time soon. Back to the point thought; why work so hard at finding true love? Simple. It completes us as people (I know, I know, very Jerry McGuire).

From what I understand, your better half completes you by giving you things that no other person on earth can provide. I think this concept is very tricky to define, seeing as it is slightly different for every single person. Sometimes it is strength or focus or passion for some aspect of life. Whatever they give you is irrelevant; the important thing is that you can only get it from them. Think of it like a room with many doors. Each door leads to a new room with new doors. Let?s say that each door but one is unlocked, and your other half holds the key to that one locked door. They have the potential to give you a new path in life. Any chain of rooms can be a new path to be taken by you. By the same token, maybe some of the doors are just stuck, and with that other person?s help, it will be much easier to get through; whereas, by yourself, it would be a very difficult task.

I am not saying that unless your get married and live happily ever after, you?ll be a void shell of human existence, because some people live very happy lives without being married to ?The One?. It?s just that someone with whom you can share all aspects of your life is a wonderful thing. They make you a better person just being with them, and in turn you do the same for them. This is the ideal situation. However, be warned; there are those who simply feed off your energy. This type of person is to be avoided at all costs.

This brings us back to the original problem; finding that special person. Perhaps the problem is not so much finding that person, as it is a question of realizing when that person is right under your nose, and knowing what to do about it. They say the harder you try to find that person, the more they will elude you, and the second you stop trying, things will fall into place as they should.

I?m reminded of a line from a Matthew Good song called ?21st Century Living?:

?Ambition is a tricky thing; it?s like riding a unicycle over a dental floss rope over a wilderness of razorblades.?

Now, I would replace the word ?ambition? with the phrase ?finding the right person?, and argue that when you try too hard, the way is just that much more difficult than it needs to be. Instead, I would say, close your eyes and ride along; before you know it, you?ll reach your destination. At least with your eyes closed, you won?t be constantly expecting to fall, and thinking of how much it?s going to hurt if you do.

The fact that you shouldn?t try too hard doesn?t mean that you should turn into a monk and wait for a sign to guide you on your lofty quest. Consider it like a river with logs floating into the sunset. When you see one you like, try to hop on it. If you fall, climb out and try again. Once you jump and land successfully, just let the current carry you. If you?re meant to fall, you will. If not you?ll ride into that sunset. O.k., so that was a little more phallic a picture than I wanted to paint, but you get the point. Why don?t we break this down a bit more? Seeing a log you like is the equivalent of meeting an interesting person that you happen to like, and see some potential with. Jumping on is roughly like asking them out, and the rest is simple. As said before, once you have reached this point, you just have see how the current will carry you without trying to fight the log into traveling in the direction you want.

A perfect example for letting the path reveal itself can be seen in the good old ?High School Sweethearts?. Look at it like this; at the time they started out, they were most likely two people with innocent intentions that just happened to like each other, neither thinking ?this is going to be ?The One??. Just taking it one day at a time and letting be what may. As we get older, we tend to become preoccupied with finding that one person meant for us. This impatience drives us to make bad decisions which just result in trouble for us down the road. For this reason patience must be exercised.

In closing, I?d like to make one suggestion from personal experience: Don?t try to meet Mr. / Mrs. Right at a bar. Not that I?m saying it?s impossible to do so, but I?m pretty sure you are more likely to win the lottery than make it happen. More than often than not, you?ll end up finding Mr. / Mrs. Right Now instead, which is fairly counterproductive to your cause.