People I Dislike

And Why You're Probably One of Them: Part deux

Written by Smitty-boy

This is, more or less, but probably more, a list of customers and their tendencies I've encounter whilst at Subway. They appear in no particular order because I hate them all just the same.

  1. The "cheese? please!" people.

    These are not to be confused with those who say "yes, I would like some cheese, please" because they are simply being polite. The people of which I speak can best be described as Funny Guys (or Girls, but mostly it's guys... see: you're a funny guy now shut the fuck up! I, II and III).

    There are also some "cheese? Please" people I don't mind. The one's that don't think it's the funniest and most amazing line EVER! I've lost count of the people who have a good laugh at the "cheese? Please!" bit. I've been contemplating following up their line with a, "would you like complementary flem with that?"

    Although I think I'll save that for when I want to be fired.

  2. Non-tippers.

    Okay, is it so hard to reach half a foot and place your 29 cents in the fucking cup? huh? HUH!? Working at a measly job such as mine and having all my checks automatically put into a bank account (that was my parents' doing, not mine), I live off of tips. And now I can't ask for money from my parents.

    Tangent: To be honest, they were quite clever about it. At first it was, "if you need money then get a job." Now it's, "you have a job, spend your own money." Well, kudos to them. :end tangent

    Tip money is my lifeblood. It's what pays for movie tickets, fast food, my drug habits, etc. If you don't tip already then start now. It's more of a symbolic thing saying, "hey, not everyone is an asshole."

  3. List's.

    "Oh? A list... how nice" that's usually what I think as somebody enters holding a piece of paper. A list is never a good thing, as it usually means I'm spending the next half hour making sandwiches. The list people are not that bad, however. Slowly stating each one slowly, and most importantly, one at a time. And they tip well. There are the select few who are rather evil about it. Just because they, and only they, can see what's on the paper suddenly I'm supposed to know all hat is written too. Yes, you've read it several times and memorized it. I haven't. You stating all seven sandwiches including vegetables and condiments in less than one minute and in one rather large sentence does not mean I will absorb the words like a sponge and keep them orderly. Those people also never tip... bastards.

  4. Regular's

    There is nothing more depressing than seeing a person walk through the door and knowing exactly what they're going to order. They get the same thing, at the same time, every day. If I really wanted to, I could make the sandwiches five minutes before they come in and have it ready for them as they walk in. I would, of course, have to kill myself shortly after doing so.

    That isn't to say that they're bad people. Oh no, quite the opposite. They've all gone from strangers to regular customer's to people I like. It's just depressing to me that I can tell it's 5:34 when Roast Beef comes in (Roast Beef, by the way, is Todd. He gets 2 roast beef wraps with spicy mustard, lettuce, and pickles). Then, the one I really like. Not clockwork, but a regular customer nonetheless. Yet to get her name, but she is a cheerleader at the high school down the street and I cannot describe in words how beautiful she is. She is not "hot", that would be demeaning to her and her beauty. It's not just looks either, you can tell she has a good personality; she's funny, make her friends laugh, she tips really well, and accepts the free cookies I give her graciously with a polite "thank you", a giggle and a smile.

    Ahem, yes... regular customer's are good people but they bring slight depression, which is bad.

  5. Unnecessarily rude people

    Yes, some are justifiably rude as I'm rather snarly myself sometimes. I strongly dislike those who come in pissed off and in turn get me pissed off. THEY start the cycle of hatred, not me. They mumble their order and get angry when I ask them to repeat it. They should burn.

  6. Undecided's

    You see, when somebody comes in the polite thing to do is stand behind the counter and take their order. However, when they stand there for five or so minutes going "hm... I'll take.. uh... never mind. Oh! I'll take... uh, never mind..." before deciding on their original choice, I get angry. But time and time again I stand there like a dope staring at them, through them, inside them, reading their thoughts, knowing what they're going to say. I come out, refocus, and stare at them, past them, into the outside world where I wish I was.

    They are probably the most annoying of the bunch. Most definitely the biggest time-wasters.

    Another type of them are the one's who change their order after I'm done making it. "...and pickles... wait no! Onions! ...and mayo... no... mustard... oh? You put the mustard on already? Can you make a new sub?"

  7. Everything at once

    Customer: "Large tuna on wheat with onions, pickles peppers, mayo, mustard, banana peppers, tomato, lettuce, and pepper."

    Me: "uhh..... *blank stare*... that was a turkey with pepper... uh... pie? Salad? My first born male child? Could you please repeat that?"

    I think I've said enough. I hope.

  8. El forgeto subo

    That, seeing as how I speak no Spanish at all, means the people who forget their subs. An innocent mistake, right? NO! Not where I work. It's always the same, a wav of customers come in and an hour later when the place empties out there's a lone sub on the sneeze-guard. Apparently it only happens when me and this one girl are working there. We just stare it... hypnotized. Usually we start trying to remember making a ::insert type of sub here:: in the first place. In vain.

    Then they come back, pissed off and angry at you, like it's OUR fault YOU forgot YOUR sub.

    They also should burn.

  9. Crank callers

    It's a stretch to call them customers because a, they aren't buying anything and b, they call, not show up in person. But, they since they do call and take up my time... whatever.

    They are so stupid. It's always the same person, too. I recognize the voice by now.

    Here's one day's events:


    Me: "::insert town I work in here:: Subway, can I help you?"

    CC (that's "crank caller", for future reference): "uhh... is this

    Me: No, it's Subway.

    CC: ::giddy laughter and such::


    Okay, that's how I was the first few times.


    Me: "::insert town I work in here:: Subway, can I help you?"

    CC: "uhh... is this Quizno's?"

    Me: "Yup, oven toasted tastes better, what can I get ya?"

    CC: "uh.... ::expletive deleted::"


    And yes, they do keep asking if it' Quizno's. I thought that would be the end... 'twas not to be so.


    Me: :insert town I work in here:: Subway, can I help you?"

    CC: "uhh... is this Quizno's?"

    Me: I said it was Subway... douche.

    Click! (that time I hung up the phone)

    And 5 seconds later...


    Kelly (in her best New York accent): "Yo! Dino's pizza, what can I get

    CC: "uhh... is this... uh... Quiz-no's?"

    Kelly (in her best New York accent): "What the--who is this? You that kid who called before? I'm tracing this call you punk and I'm gonna-"


    And a good time was had by all.

  10. And lastly:

  11. "Crazy eyes"

    This is a single person. He is most of the above mentioned; rude, doesn't tip, orders en mass at once every time he comes in, and a "cheese? please!" person. All that and a lazy eye to boot. This just means we can't tell exactly whom he's being rude to. He should burn.