Story Time II

Written by Smitty-boy

This story will probably only be funny to me. Or to somebody who?s as retarded as I am and whose sense of humor is somewhat warped, but still, the story begins...


It happened to me a while ago, and aside from total embarrassment I learned a valuable lesson; never put up an away message when you?re online that says anything about you going to the bathroom unless you are absolutely positive that you won?t let anything stop you from getting back to the computer to take it down.

It was just after lunch when I went on AIM (kind of like AOL but can be used as long as you have an internet connection) and I felt my bladder about to explode. I guess that?s what I get for drinking so much coffee in so little time. At the same time, however, I was being bombarded by Instant Messages so to shut them all up I put up an away message that said something like, ?bathroom, leave one?. Now, everyone understood that meant I had to go really badly and I?d be right back. Alas, ?twas not to be so.

After answering natures call and washing my hands like a good ?lil boy, I began on my way back to my brothers? room where the computer was. Thankfully, my mommy (yea, that?s right, I said it) came home from grocery shopping and she asked me to go get the rest of the bags. She had worked all day, cleaned the entire house, AND went grocery shopping; I figured getting a few bags for her was the least I could do after doing nothing all day.

I brought in the bags, put away the food, began walking to my brothers room... again, ?twas not to be so. My brother cut me off and asked if I wanted to play Halo, one-on-one. Now, I am never one to turn down a challenge, especially when I know I can beat them and then rub it in their face. So, we played. I won.

The thought popped into my head that I left the computer on and should probably shut it off. After all, it?s wasting energy. Thank Jebus my older brother was home from college to ask if I wanted to play basketball. Now, it was 3-ish and I hadn?t been outside all day. I went. Our record on the court at the time was 24-3 him. The 3 times I beat him he either let me win, was sick, or was tired. I think in that order, too. It?s not so much that I?m really bad at basketball, he?s just really good (and taller, stronger, older, etc.).

The record now being 25-3 him, we went home... sort of... eventually. With the long-standing tradition of ?loser buys? I spent the last of my money on food. Not to say it wouldn?t have been spent on that anyways, but I?d have preferred all of MY money be spent on MY food. Now that I had no money and no pride, he felt it was time to go home.

We arrived back home around 6-ish. Again, it occurred to me that I left the computer on, so I went to shut it off. I had completely forgotten about the away message, my intent to go back after 30 seconds, and the away message. 6 hours have passed since I left to go to the bathroom, so for 6 hours people thought I was in the bathroom...

My friends, well, they?re smart but retarded. Basically, they thought it was hilarious. I got many, many IM?s (Instant Messages), some of which I?d have preferred not to get. Either dumb minds think alike or they just talked to each other about it, but I got a few saying something like, ?He died on the throne!? and, ?He went like the King.? (Elvis died on the toilet, but I really hope I didn?t have to tell you that) Some thought I fell in and got stuck; granted, I don?t know how that would have happened, but I digress.

When I finally got back and started answering people?s messages, I started wishing I hadn?t. ?Dude, what did you eat!?? and ?Whoa, I hope the pipes could handle THAT ONE!? all followed by laughter, mainly on their side.

After a good hour of explaining all that happened, I was still being laughed at. I gave up, signed off, and have yet to live it down. That?s why when I say putting up an away message telling people you went to the bathroom is a bad idea, I mean it.