Eat Healthy, Die Anyway

Written by Smitty-boy

As I you may know, nobody lives forever. For those who don't, you?re going to die. No, that?s not a threat, so please refrain from a lawsuit (but if you must the average settlement is you kicking me in the nuts really hard). Now, as I was saying, I cannot understand why people would actually want to eat healthy all their lives.

Sure, an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but aren?t regular check-ups needed
anyways? An apple can?t prevent Hepatitis B. Nor can it tell you if you have cancer in your left testicle. So isn?t it better to not eat apples and go to the doctor?

Now, sure, vegetables and fruits are healthy, and if you don?t have a spouse who wants insurance money you?ll live longer. But, why would you want to live to be one-hundred anyways? After 80 or so, there?s not much you can do but drain the economy and cause, but not be in, car accidents. I?ve seen many an old person drive through a four-way intersection causing cars to slam their breaks only to get hit from behind. The old person always drives away happily at 25 mph. They never get in the accident they caused. They really should have their license taken away from them after 80. But, to be fair I?m sure there are some capable elderly persons out there. If they can pass a test to ensure their competence they should be allowed to keep their license and not be shot and buried in a mass grave with the rest.

The fact still remains that eventually, now matter how many bottles of V8 you drink, your death is inevitable. I don't plan to live my life eating plants. I want to sink my teeth into a nice steak and die a young, fat, happy man.

I have a good reason for wanting to off a few cows for my enjoyment. Those animals (cows, chickens, turkeys, pigs etc.) will die as well, sharing in our mortality. So, why not kill a few early? At least their dead carcass? will be put to good use. Also, if all humans adopted a vegetarian lifestyle, who would control the cow and chicken populations? They would reproduce out of control. Thy may even one day try to overthrow mankind and establish themselves as the dominant species. That is why the cow threat must be stopped! So go out and eat a burger! Win one for the humans. Just remember, if a cow had a chance to kill you, it would.

Sorry for that outburst. As I was saying, I think it?s better to live a happy life doing what you want and not feeling guilty about offing a few animals a year or so before their ?natural? death. Vegetarians don?t want cows to be killed, but in their self-righteousness they may have failed to account for mortality of all things in this plain of existence and population control of lesser beings than ourselves.