Things I learned from watching Irreversible

Written by Rolo

The nice guy always has the potential to beat the living snot out of anyone. Beware.

There is something to said about movies, when people consider them "bad". Some ideas should never be put to film. Now, I am not one to judge, or truly claim to be an eclectic and experienced critic but I think perhaps Director Gaspar Noe's Irreversible was meant to show you what a truly horrible film is. When I mean horrible, I am not referring to time wasting, ass-sucking, refund-me-now films like Queen of the Damned (Boo-hoo poor Aliya!) Star Wars: Episode I, or for that matter Brotherhood of the Wolf. These movies are really just wastes of time or cult flicks.

I am referring to films that visually assault your visual organs, and burn an image into your mind. I can truly say that Irreversible is horrible and is one of those films.

For those of you who haven't heard, this film was nearly banned from three international film festivals. During the Cannes Film Festival, nearly 200 people were treated with oxygen.

Watching this film made me feel like my eyes were being visually sodomized. To be fair it was very cunning in its approach. It was definitely not subtle in its approach. Watching the movie in reverse order was challenging if not boring for those that do not have the patience. The initial camera work makes you want to hurl and spin while you do it. If someone had decided to throw a concussion grenade into the audience wouldn't have made a difference. The fifteen minutes of 360 degree camera spin, flashing and wob-wob noises were fun for the first fun for the first 60 seconds. Then, my Sobe soft drink had more interest in it. Noe throws in the gay feltching noises for the fun of it to set the scene. That bit nearly made me drop my drink. Thus the movie begins, or in this particular case, ends.

We follow two desperate men; Marco and Pierre, in their hunt for a man named Tenia. Who we later learn brutally raped their friend and girlfriend Alex. The word "graphic" doesn't accurately portray many things, especially a nice guy literally smashing a guy's face in with a fire extinguisher. No CG effects here. It was just good old-fashioned pummelling, teeth and blood. My only thought: Oh. My. God.

The movie goes on to retell the events in reverse order, including the full horrific sodomy of Monica Bellucci at the hands of the gay pimp Tenia. It?s long, brutal, violent, and a disgusting example of a possible reality that can happen. Suffice to say that, and the beating that followed, are times you wish you brought a Game Boy with you. You wish you could take back the 99 minutes of this movie, perhaps even just the first 35 minutes of it. The surrounding events leading up to both of these terrible events almost seem like fluff, yet at the same time influential. Yet, you learn more about the characters and how they know each other, leaving an all the more tragic aftertaste in your mind. Suffice to say, Albert Dupontel as the totally innocent and witty Pierre, gives an outstanding performance.

Monica Bellucci is a truly beautiful actress. I do not know if that 10-minute sodomy rape scene would best reflect her acting strength. I think the most conniving thing about Irreversible is that the film ends in a lighthearted fashion that almost seems to give first aid to your assaulted mind. To be fair the actors were outstanding and their development almost makes up for the sheer brutality of the movie, yet nothing could replace the amount of shock one feels after watching a something like this.

I really cannot call this a "movie", or much less a movie review. I'd rather consider it a warning for anyone that thought, "hey this seems like a good movie." It?s not. It really seemed like this movie was written around the one idea. Gaspar: "Hey lets show a movie about Monica Bellucci getting sodomized!"

The rest was just the icing to make it long enough to be called a movie. Thankfully, I had a video of cute kittens to watch over and over again. Sadly my ticket and my hopes of a refund are irreversible.