CoN XXX the Movies

Written by Jeff Wright

A little late, and not the least bit great. That's the way I often be. That that's the way that this piece be.

So I went to see some movies at the Toronto International Film Festival again this year. Saw some movies. Leo asked me to write something about my five favourites. Here they are in the order I saw them. Enjoy, or don't enjoy. I could give a toss. Go see at least one of the movies when it's released though.

BUBBA HO-TEP (dir. Don Coscarelli)

Bruce Campbell stars as a geriatric Elvis, whose nursing home is under attack by a soul-sucking (via the ass) mummy. Along with his friend John F. Kennedy (played brilliantly by Ossie Davis), he investigates where the mummy came from, and tries to send it back there.

This was the most fun of the midnight films this year. Lots of laughs, really good performances from Campbell and Davis, and a hilarious question and answer session with Campbell and Coscarelli in which Campbell without hesitation made fun of any geek who came armed with a stupid question.

Sadly, I don't see the film getting a better distribution than a couple prints that tour around North America or even worse, video. It deserves better than that, but isn't really that financially viable a film. It'll be out at some point no matter how, and when it is, check it out.

MY LITTLE EYE (dir. Marc Evans)

A group of twenty-somethings try to stay in a remotely located house for six months in order to each win a prize of a million dollars each. Their lives are monitored by gazillions of cameras, and sent over the internet. If even one person leaves the house, then the game is forfeited. The first few minutes of the film set it up, and fast forward us through the majority of the contest, bringing us to the last week of the competition.

Sounds boring, yes? Well it isn't. Ya seez, things start going wonky. It seems as though the people who are running the contest don't want the contestants to make it. They start feckin' with their heads, and all that good stuff. This here's a horror flic, and for me to spoil any of the spooks would be wrong of me. Once the scares start coming, they're not quick to slow. The flic gets down and nasty in its last reel, so if you like horror flics you'll love this. If you don't, then stay away. This is probably the most effective thriller/horror film since KAIRO (I know that was only last year, but?).

It's out right now in the U.K. and I think is getting North American release round the end of this year, or beginning of next.

DIRTY PRETTY THINGS (dir. Stephen Frears)

I thought this was a French lolita porn starring little Amelie Poulin. It wasn't. Was I disappointed? A little. Did I pretend it was anyway as I watched it? A little.

I kid, I kid. So funny, huh? Ugh.

A couple of illegal immigrants, who work in a hotel get mixed up in black market organ sales.

It's more of a character film, so it's pointless giving much more of a synopsis. It's a really good film though. Definitely check it out when it's released. The performances are all top notch, and Stephen Frears does an assured and solid job directing.

I'm getting sleepy. I woke up three and a half hours ago, haven't eaten yet (it's 7:38 pm), have a sore stomach, and am getting sleepy. But fear not! I won't eat or sleep until I've finished writing this!!!!!! Dedicate yourselves to the Capital of Nasty!!! Herr Leandro demands it.

A SNAKE OF JUNE (dir. Shinya Tsukamoto)

Best film of the festival! Best film of the year (so far)!

Rinko, a help phone operator, is blackmailed by one of her "clients" to go out in the world and be as sexual as she wants to be. Stifled by her older husband, her mini-skirt wearing is restricted to her bathroom with the door locked. Her masturbation, to when he's not home. The blackmailer has pictures, and threatens to give them to Rinko's husband if she doesn't do as he says.

That's the setup. It goes deeper than that, but I don't really want to ruin past that point. Tsukamoto is one of Japan's best filmmakers, and also one of its strangest. I can't say enough about this film and its greatness, so I'll say very little (Yes, I'm really getting hungry).

KEN PARK (dirs. Larry Clark & Edward Lachman)

Sorta like KIDS, but a whole lot better, a more explicit, more episodic than plot driven, and dealing with youth sexuality.

This film ain't getting a theatrical release in its current form. There's a lot of boundary pushing sex in it, which will keep it from even getting an NC-17 rating. It's sad too, because it's a really good film. The main cast (well the youngsters at least) are a bunch of unknowns, and all give really strong performances. Tiffany Limos, who plays Peaches (and who I can't believe is Larry Clark's girlfriend), gives the best performance of the bunch. She's going to explode once people in Hollywood see the film.

A lot of the audience seemed to at least enjoy the film's sex scenes, but judging from the question and answer period, it seemed like most liked or hated it as cinematic wank (not 'wank' in the literal sense, mind you).

Should I say more? Yes. Am I going to? No.

There's a cool little write-up on KEN PARK in this month's Vice magazine. It's a hell of a lot more articulate than my hungry ass is capable of being right now (or at anytime, truthfully). Check it out at:

I'm going to get something to eat now. I'm sorry, though I'm sure many are thankful I'm done. I know my stomach is.