Bah, so this is Christmas...

Written by Tess Toth

If I hear "Deck The Halls" one more time I am going to take a couple of candy canes and ram them in my ears to stop that horrific tune from destroying the little brain matter I have left. So help me God.

I hate the holidays. Yes, and I know I'm not the only one out there. But maybe I'm the only one who will admit it.

I don't like turkey with stuffing, I don't like buying ornaments, and don't even get me started about carollers...

In my youth I loved Christmas. Of course the only reason I liked it was because I got presents, but that's so friggin' obvious isn't it?

I'd get a million Barbie dolls that I would tear the hair off of and make them do lewd things with Ken.

I'd take my brand new pairs of jeans and rip holes in the knees.

I'd take the Christmas fruit cake with all its layers of plastic wrap and feed it to the pigeons in hopes they would become over-stimulated from the obscene amount of sugar and have a heart attack.

Ah, the childish innocence.

But soon I grew out of my juvenile malicious tendencies and adopted more grown up and refined mannerisms. As such, I no longer took interest in the holiday season except for the fact that I could have a few weeks off to sleep in and eat cold pizza in the morning.

I'll admit it, I am an avid fan of Ebenizer Scrooge, I'll "bah humbug" any chance I get. My friends usually have a get together during Christmas time to exchange presents and eat rumballs. I REALLY feel uncomfortable surrounded by cheery perky people smiling. Maybe it's just me --but don't get me wrong, I love the rumball portion of the evening.

I feel guilty because I don't have any money and I can't afford get anyone gifts. They always tell me "That's okay, that's not what Christmas is about anyway". Well I know that if I got gifts for my friends and they got me squat I would be a bit pissed off... yeah, how selfish of me. I've heard it before, I know... it's the time for giving, for peace, yadda yadda... bleech.

Why is it that only CHRISTMAS is the season to be jolly? So does that mean the rest of the year we can all be crotchety ol' bastards? Is it the snow that makes ppl be filled with the spirit of giving? It just makes my juvenile arthritis kick in. Is it the lights? The horrendous music? The candy canes that the stores give out and with the stock they don't sell they resell on the up coming Christmas?

I think if we all really listened to "it's better to give than receive" we'd all be a bit bitter for not getting that power drill of our dreams or that diamond bracelet.

....wait....I have something heart warming to share. Even though I detest Christmas for my own selfish reasons, I enjoy getting gifts for my two daughters.

I mean, what's more satisfying than watching the oldest one shred the paper on the floor and toss out the gift just to play with the box? And since the littlest one is only 3 weeks old, she'll just drool over it, while looking at the lights on the tree.

I want them to have fun with the holiday even if I don't. That's all that matters, isn't it? That even if we don't like something ourselves we shouldn't' ruin it for others. And maybe when they're old and bitter like I am they'll enjoy watching their little ones destroy the 50 buck porcelain doll they got for them as a keepsake. Ah... traditions...

Good grief I'm getting old and sappy. Ah well...happy holidays and a bah humbug to you all.