Pretty Yellow Fender Amp

Written by Jeff Wright

Now short of being able to actually play the guitar, I can rock. My guitar now has something to plug into. Something with which it can make screaming rock sounds. Mission: Get An Amp, was a success.

My friend Mike (a.k.a. Melvin), who's musically knowledgeable and talented, unlike myself came with, to make sure I didn't get ripped off, or pick up a piece-a-shit-amp.

First stop was to a used furniture and whatever you may need shop, that's owned by a friend of my dad's. My dad had been in on Thursday, and told me that he had an old trainer amp that he'd sell to me for $150. So Mike and I went in. I saw an old man sitting in a chair by the back, that I figured was Howie, the owner.

I introduced myself to him, and said, "My dad said you've got an amp."

He responded by saying, "Yeah, got it lopped off at the knee" as he tapped on his prosthetic leg.

I stood there in silence, hoping that he, on his own, would realize what I was talking about.

I didn't want to say "Uh, its not that I don't care about your plastic leg, but I meant guitar amp".

Thankfully, Howie realized what I said before I said anything. Mike looked at the amp, and some old guitar that Howie had (It was old or something. Mike seemed to be somewhat impressed by it. Beats the hell out of me). We then decided to go look at the pawnshops first. I said that we'd come back if we didn't find anything at the pawnshops. Howie said "Sure thing." And we were off.

So we headed down to the Queen and Church area, where a long section of pawn shops sit. First one we go in, nothing. Second one we go in, success! Mike spotted a little Fender re-issue practice amp that he said would suit my purposes quite well. After a bit of discussion, Mike asked the old Russian storeowner what he wanted for it.

"150. And that's not 1 dollar and 50. har har har."

"You should definitely get it", said Mike. "So long as it works."

When we asked to test it out, the guy said "No. It is my busy day today. Come back on Monday."

We hummed and hawed a bit more, and by time we were done with the humming, and had only a little bit more hawing to do, the store was emptied out and the guy said that we could try it out. So Mike plugged in the amp, and the storeowner handed us a pink, purple and black zebra striped guitar.

As he put it "You may think this guitar is shit, but it's the best one in the store." Whatever. Just give us the guitar. Mike tested it out and said it was good to go.

The owner asked if we had a pretty 18-year-old blonde at home to clean the amp. I wonder if he had one to sell. Before I could ask though, he started a conversation with Mike about his Gibson guitar and how people don't bring them in anymore (read: steal them anymore). Enough chit chat. I paid the man, thanked him, and we proceeded onto the next pawnshop. Mike still hadn't bought anything cool.

We went from pawnshop to pawn shop. Some were nicer than others. Some smelling more of B.O. than others. Some even having a miniature loan sharking business in the back (nice!). Nothing really tickled Mike's fancy, the picky bitch that he is. Money must be spent!!!!!!!

Mike destroyed many things along the way. He knocked over a cowboy hat. Can you believe that?!?!?!?!?! Okay. That's the only thing he disturbed, and it hardly could be considered destruction. Shut up! I wanted to put it into the story somewhere. It amused me. Hey, I just thought. He should have bought the hat. That would have been an acceptable waste of money.

We hit the last of the shops, and made our way back towards the car. On the way, Mike wanted to stop into the Army Surplus to get some stuff. So we went in, and one of the store's employees grabbed Mike by the throat and screamed at him "Die you fucking Nazi scum! DIE!!!!!" Mike still picked up a shirt and a scarf. The latter to cover up the bruises on his neck.


Does that feel like an abrupt and rather silly ending to the "story"? Oh well. Some more stuff happened but I don't feel like writing anymore. The story's been on a rapid decline since I went on about Mike "destroying" things anyway. So who cares? I've got an amp now, and it was fun getting it. That's all you need to know. Leo told me I couldn't just write once sentence, and consider it my submission for this issue. So blame him.

I'm gonna go listen to "The Whole World" by Outkast a few more times. I bet I've listened to it about 25 times today. "Like I'm scared like a dog, but I've got a new song, and I want y'all to sing along."