The Phone Rang

Written by capnasty

So, today I was sleeping.

The phone rang.

My arm reaches from the bed to the phone, I pick it up.


"Hey" says a voice.

"Hey Jeff" I said.

I said 'Hey Jeff' because the voice sounded like Jeff's. There are some things your brain attempts to do for you, even when you're half asleep.

"It's Chris"

"Oh, sorry. Hi Chris"

"Hey. Is Gord there?"

"Gard? No he left to get a bite to eat last I spoke to him"

There are, however, some things your brain will not do too well when you're just waking up. It didn't question why would Chris call me to speak to Gard when he can do so on IRC whenever he wants? Why would he call my house in the first place? Those questions only came to me much later.

"Oh. Damn," said Chris. %quot;Can you take a message? Ask him to call me?"


"Allright, thanks, bye"


I hung up.

I laid my head back on the pillow, but by now my brain was able to formulate more coherent thoughts, such as the most important one:

Just who the fuck is Chris?

It occurred to me only after hanging up that Chris wanted GORD not GARD. I know of a Gard, but no Gords. Gard is currently in Norway. I spoke to him on IRC right before he said he was going to get something to eat. Kudos to my brain for making the best effort considering it's sad state.

I know only one Chris and that wasn't his voice. And usually, since now that I moved I have a new number, all the wrong calls I get are for a Bill, not Gord.

Now, I used to get all sorts of amusing calls from various people or companies looking for the previous owners. All were quite annoying since apparently the previous owners of the number owned money to the cable company, a wireless phone service and for one guy, the bank was looking for him. But you know this, since you've all been reading my Editorials. (But we both know that's not true).

But with Bill everyone is so nice.

"Hi!" the cheerful voice goes "Is Bill there?"

"No, I killed him and ate his liver"

"Allright, thanks", still so disturbingly cheerful.And they hang up.

Due to popular request, Jason MacIsaac is back with one more of his Gretchen tales. Also, the latest incarnation of the CoN website isslowly taking shape. You can see it at http://www.capnasty.orgYour feedback is appreciated.

Enjoy this belated issue.