Crack Manual

Written by Filibuster Jones

I want to talk about my new found hobby: crack. Thankfully I haven't developed a dependency on it yet; though I'm sure it's coming.


The first thing I have to tell you about crack, is that it's expensive. It's as expensive as it looks like it is on tv, and in the movies. Don't get into the game unless you've got the bank roll to play. If you don't have a high paying job, like I fortunately do, don't start. Stick with cigarettes. They're healthier for you anyways. Plus they don't cause blisters.

Smoking crack requires a metal pipe. A crack pipe. You have to heat the crack so that you can smoke it. This often causes the pipe to get hot, and leave heat blisters on your lip. These blisters would hurt like a bitch if it weren't for the fact that you're smoking crack.


What's it like smoking crack? It's fantastic. I haven't experienced anything like it before. It's a release. It's an energy. If you've smoked crack before, you know what I mean.

It really is best experienced, than described. So much so, that I'm not even gonna bother going into it. If you're curious, and you've got the money, try it. Just make sure you've got the money. If you don't, I'll warn you again; don't try it. I may not be addicted to it yet (I've been doing it for close to a month now), but some people get addicted very quickly. Just trust me on this. While it is good, it's not so good that if you can't afford it, you should go stealing tv sets for it. It could very easily ruin your life. My family doesn't talk to me as much as they used to, since I started. Not that I really care, but I know that's important to some people.


Where do you get crack? This is pretty easy actually. If they've got weed, and they're over the age of 16, your neighbourhood dealer can get it for you. If you happen to live in an area with heavy drug trafficking, then I'd say that dealers even as young as 11 should be able to get it. If you can get a younger dealer, it's probably best. They're less likely to try sell you garbage shit, and have reason to be afraid of you. If you get some badass who's always packing, and treats you with little respect, there's a greater chance that he'll screw you over.


Just how many people smoke crack? A recent survey of 7,000 North Americans (Realize that a lot of people aren't that honest when discussing their drug habits), 28.4 percent claimed to take non-pharmacutical drugs. Of that 28.4 percent, only 6.8 percent claimed to having once tried crack, or smoked it on a regular basis. That means of the 1988 who took drugs, only 135 had ever smoked crack. That's not a huge number. 1.9 percent of the surveyed 7,000. That should give you an idea of how many people can afford it. It's a great club, with great facilities, but membership is expensive.


I hope that this has been of some help to those of you out there who've been considering taking up crack as a hobby. Would collecting Barbie dolls be a healthier hobby? Building train sets? Sure, but they're both kinda gay, and crack is one hell of a manly drug. Come on guys, dump your broads and take up crack. It's the un-official drug of the Olympics (I think).