Editorial: wondering about Internic

Written by capnasty

I've been wondering lately if there are actual human beings that work at Internic, or if it's just one big computer that does a quick search on what the e-mail may be saying, vomits a piece of the Internic FUQ and signs every e-mail I get back with a different name.

I get my bill. I go to the bank, wait in line 45 minutes, make the money order and mail it out via express, just to make sure it got delivered. Hey, call me paranoid, but I like having hard proof in my hands in case something goes wrong.

About a week and a half of this I get a Final Notice letter from Internic. Apparentely I haven't paid for my domain, despite the fact that I am holding the receipt of a money order I've made and of the express delivery.

Considering that I could drive in half a day to Internic's building, they should've got the letter about 2 days after I sent it out. But let's be nice, and assume that they just processed the letter automatically without checking. I e-mail internic and billing and patiently wait for a response on the query. None of which, not surprisingly, arrived.

So I check their online status for my webpage. The webpage says that I paid everything off. Cool. No more worries.

A week after that, I get a letter from Internic's general manager (some mass produced piece of propaganda he probably never read, much less signed himself), on how Internic is upset (boo hoo) that I decided to end my services with them.

Okay. So I write to Internic asking just what's going on. Again, hostmaster and billing gets a query from me. Do I get a response? Of course not. Unless you count those automated bot replies a response, which are as useful as a gnat's testicle hair.

So I finally give in, call their non-toll-free number (it's toll free only if you are calling, credit card in hand, to pay your bill), sit there and listen to 6 minutes worth of directions, annoucements and stupid menus which bring me nowhere, and when I finally found what I wanted, nobody was there to take my call. This is me calling during business hours on the same time zone.

Another long e-mail was sent to Internic today. Tomorrow morning, I'm sure, I'll find a letter confirming my cancellation of the domain. So if you try to reply to this issue and the e-mail bounces back, you have Internic to thank.

IGNORE the HYPE writes in regards to the last issue of CoN (and my women's clothes fetish, the prick):

Hey Leo,

Great issue. Needs a longer editorial though. Run out of people to take the piss out of? <g>

Glad/amazed to see that "My Favourite Films Of 1999" by Jeff Wright included the truely entertaining Run Lola Run. Great fucking film! But I disagree with eXistenZ being on there. That film sucked. Cronenberg had to much control and it shows. He's great when working with others but when he has complete control he tends to over-cook. Just my 2 (non)cents worth.

Having spoke with you electronically and in person, I don't think you have any problems with English - it's the lisp and high heels I'd be worried about if I were you <g>

Regards, neil

John Iadipaolo after reading Samantha Craggs' Article, decided to start smoking:

Leandro & Co:

Great work on the new issue. I'd gone so long without a helping of CoN that I was starting to wonder whether my email server wasn't working (again), but I was most relieved to find the latest issue in my box last week. Samantha's article in particular impressed me. I am not a smoker, nor do I feel particularly sorry for those individuals who know all of the risks associated with smoking, and choose to do so anyways. I could rant on this subject for weeks, but to sum it up, I think smoking is a filthy habit; a waste of time, money and health.

However, Samantha- in the very least- made me stop and think for a moment. In her article, she took three of my biggest gripes about smoking and produced compelling, intelligent arguments which I couldn't help but agree with- or at least entertain- despite my convictions. Her arguments have their weaknesses, but if she can score points on a guy like me- who likens smoking to French-kissing the toilet bowl of an overcrowded prison restroom- she must be on to something.

Keep up the great work guys, John Iadipaolo

And lastly, Josh Bell, despite having him burnt at the stake for his post-editorial editorials, writes a post-editorial editorial:

Wow... I haven't read CoN in forever... it's been even longer (yes, longer than forever) since I've replied to an issue. Oh well, here goes.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the momentyou get up and does not stop until you get into the office. --Robert Frost

I don't know why, but I always figured Frost was queer. Just one of those things that occur to me from nowhere.

1. Editorial

Be careful talking about the millennium, or the 1900's, or any reference this year, last year, or next year, for that matter. The public will surely find something to argue with you about if you mention the big M word. I prefer to call the next few years the Approxillennium.

2. Smoking Can Kill You

A tree almost fell on my house last night because it was covered in ice. Luckily, it was only my yard and fence that was demolished... for now. (by the way, I live in Alabama, USA for those of you who are wondering where the winter storm is)

3. My Favourite Films Of 1999

Smokey and The Bandit (1970's) is great. It is the film of the Approxillennium. Some of the movies on the list were great, but a lot of them just sucked out the ass.

4. New Year

I was stoned, baked, fried, simmered, toasted, boiled -- whatever-- and drunk. Looking off this guy's bluff watching for the city to explode.

5. Carpe fucken' diem.

Macacos me mordam.

This week's Golden Testicle award:
The streetlight is currently red.

I wish that guy would cut that tree down or whatever. It's hindering my plans for world domination.

So there, I hope you enjoy my post-editorial editorial. Hopefully you will receive it looking like I'm hoping it does.

J. Bell --- J. Bell has found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time.