Okay, so I have spent the last two weeks suffering severe writer's block, and being unable to find the divine inspiration needed for this CoN article. One would think, that with all that's happened in the last little while that it would be an easy task. First, there was the naked man I spotted masturbating in his car as I left work for the day and wandered through the parking lot. Then there was going to see the new Star wars movie (yes, I am comparing Star wars to a sad little-and I mean little-man in the parking lot). Then there was my grandmother's heart problems and learning about the many generations of women in my family (sigh! Boring, I know). And finally there was the unbelievable greediness and anger that came from mall patrons when I ran out of free bracelets for our mothers day promotions-I came close to having my life threatened over a gold plated bracelet that turned people's wrists green. But still, none of this evolved into one complete article. So I have decided that I would not stick to one topic, as my brain has just been severely caffeine-induced, and cannot focus on much of one thing at a time anyway.
Hmmm... so this topic is supposed to be on the plague. Well, never having lived through the actual tragedy of the plague, there's not too much I can say on the topic. I can only think of things that plague me, or people I avoid like the plague, but these would be of no use or importance to you, as you would probably not know the names and the jokes and insults would therefore be lost. So there, that is all I can write of the plague.
As for the man in the parking lot that you read about earlier, I only have one or two comments. The first being EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! That is fucking disgusting! The second being, are all men like that? I mean, do you guys just whip it out when you feel the need, um, rising? This guy didn't even have the courtesy to close the car door. Or is that the kicker-do guys enjoy being watched? Because I'll tell you now, girls do not enjoy watching. Don't get me wrong, I am not some man-hating feminist Lesbian. I have a long time boyfriend who I happen to love very much. It is just that, guys, come on. Please think before doing a deed like that out in the open. It certainly doesn't say much for your kind.
And now onto Star Wars. Okay, so I know I'm gonna receive a lot of flack for this, but I just don't understand all of the hype about the new movie. Maybe it's the girl in me, maybe it's the realist, or maybe it's the non-lover of science fiction in me. Maybe it's something else altogether. Whatever it is, my mind just doesn't comprehend all of the excitement over one movie. I'll admit, I lined up the first night, a Yoda puppet in hand, and sat through and pretty much enjoyed the flick. But as i left the theatre, I couldn't help but wonder if I had missed something. The testosterone-filled males in front of me were jumping up and down, claiming to be Jedi Knights (they were 25, at least). I don't see why men get all excited when they hear words like "light saber" or "Obi Wan". The hyped ones in front of me left happily, claiming they could feel the power of the force within them. All I had was a bit of a tummy ache from the mixture of candy and popcorn I had consumed. Was that the force? because i could have sworn it was simply indigestion. And the advertising is just ridiculous. Star Wars pop, chips, toys, posters, t-shirts, and my very favorite: fruit snacks.
I mean really, does the world need stale crappy tasting unrecognizable molds of jelly in the shape of someone named Darth Maul? Then again, maybe these snacks contain that "force" I seemed to miss out on....
Now, having been taught proper English by a legendary teacher named Mrs. Werden, the rules say that I should discuss my grandmother. But that is just too damn depressing to lay on anyone, so i will forego that, and take the chance that I receive an F in the mail from that teacher. Hell, I've already sworn, so there's a failure right there. Aw fuck. Ooops, my grade just went into the minus scale. Haha Mrs. Werden, your powers of evil can no longer affect me.
And finally, I get to more ranting about work-because, hell, that is what work was created for, huh? But you know what? Sitting behind this cramped desk, staring at the clock, and coming to the realization that I still have six more hours of this shit to go, I really don't think I want to even write about this hell-hole.
So I'm gonna leave it at that. My rambling has come to an end-lucky for you, because trust me, I am the Queen of all ramblers. So I hope within the next two weeks, my brain begins functioning normally again, and I will be able to write you an article that is as enjoyable as it is focused. Until then, don't forget to avoid the back of all mall parking lots-you never know what you just might find.