Written by Leo N.

Welcome to Issue 9 of Capital of Nasty. No, we are not dead as itprobably seemed. We were patiently awaiting for an article in regardsto Star Wars, just to keep the entire issued themed, but since itnever made it to our mailbox, it will just go as is.

Garrett Winters writes in regards to our comment in the Editorial:

This issue is secretely dedicated to the folks subscribed to the Def Con 7 mailing list. Be good. Obey street signs. Read CoN.
I do read it, and when I see sly little messages like this one I get curious. What exactly is Def Con 7? and why is this secretly dedicated to them ( don't you think that by virtue of the act of telling us that it would nullify the secrecy of it all?) :)

True, but if we did not mention this, we'd never have proof that you actually had read the issue, right?
Beside, Def Con 7 people know who they are. ;-)

June Donaldson tells us what she thinks of CoN:

sorry, too boring

This type of comment proves why I need to scan my ass and forward it.

J. Bell from Communist Idaho, comments:

Nice, very nice. Once again, it's time for me to write aresponse to your previous responses to CoN. I think you guysshould just let me have a section of CoN every issue where Ijust make the pity fools who write these ignorant replies feeleven more stupid than they actually are... oh yeah, that'salready a part of CoN. ;) Anyhow, I just feel the need to dropa comment or two.
Bryan Newman states:
Anyone who "eats" at Subway must be Very Stupid.
Well, dammit, I happen to like Subway. Of course, I live in awhole different part of the country, in a nice little ruraltown, so there might, or might not, be a reason to differthere. But hey, Brian Newman is still an idiot, so it'sdoesn't matter.

_the_devil_you_know protests:

"Brought to you by C.C.C.P. (Collective Communist Computing Proletariat)"

What the fuck do you mean by Communist boy? We beat them godless

I do believe the Bolshevics believed in God.
Bolshevic arseholes into submission.
Then why the hell is there any such thing as "war with aSoviet country" if the Bolshevics were beaten into submisisonby whoever "we" is?
You better remove that offending word or I'm gonna get all NATO on yer ass.......
Would he be referring to the same NATO that has been bombingsome 3rd world country for a month just to save some no-nameminority that has already been pushed into another country? The same NATO that is obviously doing minimal damage this 3rdworld "army"? That "army", by the way, is also a formerSoviet [Bolshevic] country, who, according to one dumbass, wasbeaten "into submission" already. But, of course, who reallyknows, or cares, what the hell is actually going on overthere.
CHINA: Kiss our asses.
USA: Ok! Would that be with tongue or without?
It's sad that the USA probably really is the best nation tocall your own, isn't it? Well, excluding Canada, who hadnothing to do with anyone or anything except the NHL ;)

Ben Popken questions the possibility of submissions:

Am I, as a reader, allowed to submit articles?

While CoN is non-profit and can't (at the moment at least) pay for any submissions, articles from our readership are welcomed. Nicci's and Roshni's, for example, are readers turned writers, and their articles appear in this issue. Authors retain full copyrights over the articles.

Omnicolor, the editor if Digital Darkness, kindly comments:

This story appears courtesy of Omnicolour, Editor in Chief of "Digital Darkness" http://digitaldarkness.com
You misspelled my name yet again! Now I'm going to have tokill you slowly and painfully...

While we await our slow and painful death, we conclude thiseditorial with an e-mail from El Gardo:

campus i overhear comments from young girls like "Oh my gawd is it POSSIBLE to look like that?" "I'd kill for a body like hers", etc.
I've been living in North America for three and a half years.Of these 3.5 years, I have spend 1.5 years in Atlanta. And Ihave already forgotten what a wonderfully diverse world wehave. So it felt really good to go to New Zealand for a fewweeks.My American friends started talking about how ugly the girlswere... within a week and a half, they said they had countedonly four women who looked any good. I was just SCREAMING....WHAT!!??!?!??? I was in HEAVEN! And the girls they werepointing out were rather dull...But then it occured to me... back in the US, everybody isstriving to look exactly the same. So many people have thementality that there are standards for what looks good. Andthat anything that ISN'T within that standard, is ugly. And ithit me that, while there are people from all over the world inthe US, they pretty much look exactly the same! It gets awfullyboring, believe me! In New Zealand, the vast majority of thepopulation is British, but the VARIETY of people, how theylooked, is just incredible compared to the US. Perhaps it is just me, but I welcome this variety. I welcomethe fact that nobody looks like the next person. And I see thebeauty in all of these people. When I get back to the US, Iknow I'm going back to one of the most boring places in theworld, where everyone look the same. Even though... I know a place up in Roswell, where the Columbian waitresseslook a little different...
Every sub, with the one exception of tuna, tastes exactly like every other sub.
Actually, the only reason it tastes the same is that you keepordering the same ones, with the same stuff on them... I canwalk in and order pizza sub every day for a week, and stillhave them taste different every time, because I change what Iput in it besides the cheese and salami.
"I can't help but wonder if Easter has been entirely lost on the human race. I mean, they did it to Christmas. It became less about the birth of Christ, and more about a fat man in a
I can't help but wonder if Yule has been entirely lost on thehuman race.
I mean... it has become less and less about giving, aboutenjoying the night together as a familiy and care abouteachother. Instead, these Christians are pushing in, changingthe name to "Christmas" and start yabbing about this JC Pennyguy from Israel! I WANT MY YULE BACK!!!
"My question to you is, where did chocolate bunnies and eggs come in? Did everyone celebrate in his resurrection by biting
My question to you is, where did this Jesus guy come in???!?!
3. How May I Help You? Or The Day the Information Booth Exploded
By Samantha Stasiuk
Next time, I'd like to see an article about "how to approach,pleasanty surprise and sweep the feet off beautiful informationbooth employees". :^)

Our next issue, hopefully publishing in time, will deal with the plague.
Send your bitching to con@capnasty.org or by hitting reply to this issue.