Written by Neux

Well, when you said that the subject this time around would be philosophy, I decided I had to contribute my somewhat unique take on things. You see, since October or so I have been conducting a philosophical experiment.

Specifically, I have decided that everyone and everything, including yourself, myself, and even Crazy Uncle Joe, is a duck. As in, yellow bill, webbed feet, says "quack". It is not uncommon to see me go up to a random person and say, "You... are a... duck!" So by now you're looking at me pretty funny, so I should probably explain.

Duckism dates back to an English class back in October or so when we were discussing the poetry of Wordsworth. We were getting pretty deeply into various romantic themes, one of which happens to be reality of perception; do things have some sort of underlying realism to what they are, or is it all in the eye of the beholder?

So, in the midst of this quagmire of quasi-romantic Wordsworthian philosophy, I asked the teacher, "So, um, if I see that table over there as a duck, then at some level is it a duck?"

And she said yes.

"So then that table is a duck?"

And she said that if I really wanted to believe that, then yes.

"Then how about Scott? Is he a duck too?" Well, you can imagine where it went from there.

Suffice to say, there is not a single man, woman, child, or inanimate object that is somehow a duck.

And I am sticking to that.

"So why a duck?" you might ask.

"Why not a wolf, or a piano, or silly putty?"

Well, I will tell you why a duck. I believe that ducks really stand for something, a childlike innocence and silliness that ins't represented by much of anything else. Probably comes from hours of watching Bert and Ernie sing "Rubber Duckie" on Sesame Street... y'know, "Rubber Duckie, joy of joys, when I squeeze you, you make noise..."

Anyway, I think that ducks symbolize the need to have fun, and be silly, and to not take everything too seriously. In other words, to lighten up and enjoy life. So I've embraced duckism, and so have most of my friends. And, however strange and misguided it may be, I've become accustomed to carrying a stuffed duck doll with me during my day, just as a little reminder to myself about duckism.

And to throw at people when they act stupid. I mean, really, I find it somehow fitting that the price for stupidity should be having a duck thrown at you. So that's a little look into my wacky world.

Geeze, stop staring at me like that. You're such a duck.