Public Washrooms

Written by IMPROV

I've always had an aversion to bathroom humour, not excessive swearing... but jokes that appeal to the lowest common denominator... you know: farting... unnatural body secretions... shit... piss... menstrual flow (my apologies to YM Magazine, but.. [I think it's called] "say anything" is the furthest thing from entertainment I've ever encountered)... snot... and so on and so forth.

But I guess this whole issue is bathroom humour... assuming there are some strange people who find this humorous.

I'm sure that the other articles will talk about doing weird things in the wonderful public porcelain world, everything from merely using them to fornicating in them will no doubt be covered. And inevitably, the subject of the uncleanness of them will be examined closely... but I will give you a truly in depth look into this deep realm... for I was once a maintenance worker... Yes I was a JANITOR!!!
(insert horn fan fare:"Buhmp Buhmp Buh Benhhhh" )

I cleaned public washrooms in a mall for almost four years. And did I ever learn to respect and appreciate many things. But more importantly I learned to hate every single person on this God forsaken shit hole we call earth!!

We'll start with the men's room: (if memory serves me right) 4 urinals, 3 stalls, and 4 sinks. Thank whatever-you-may-be-praising-at-time-of-publication for air dryers!

By the way those guys who take the time to scratch off every other word on the air dryer so it reads: Shake it, rub knob gently... are really really funny! Although if you need instructions to operate a hand dryer, you might want to empty your drool cup first.

Back to the cleaning... we used this foaming cleaner called `Kilbac'. Whenever you applied to a surface it would foam up, you'd leave it for a minute and then wipe it clean. The more bacteria, the more it foamed. Let's just say when I covered those toilet seats, it looked like I could cross country ski across the room. But over all, the men's room wasn't that bad... compared to the women's washroom, it was paradise!

Women call us pigs... us being men of course... they call us dogs... the dogs I can understand because there are a few men who do sleep around much like dogs. BUT the whole pig thing annoys me. Gentlemen, the next time your significant other, sister, mother or female companion calls you a pig... take them to the nearest mall or even a bar, and make them spend some quality time in that filth they call a restroom. My god it's disgusting.

I now know why women go to the washroom in pairs, it's so one of them can defecate on the floor, while the other stands guard. It's no fun being a vandal all by yourself, don't ya know?

I won't even go into detail what I've seen... okay just a little... shit on the seats, shit under the seats... shit on the wall, and I'mnot talkin' a little dab, I'm talking some freak wiped their ass onthe tiled wall!!
Now maybe on some web site out there that's a big hit but not to this guy... And of course feminine protection thrown, left and stuck to many places that clearly had no menstrual cycle. I don't think a mirror has its period... but someone else had one and thought the mirror was missing out.

So please ladies, next time you're in a public washroom don't do anything rash... no matter how much you hate men... oh yeah, and guys lift the freakin' seat.