There are many things I don't like about e-mail, and these are them (10 of them to be precise).
SPAM - Yes, the topic of this issue of CoN. I don't like having to weed through shit that I don't want to read. If SPAM was as in regards to something I'm interested in, then I don't think I'd mind it. Of course it never is. Oh, and I hate it when the address they give you to send your removal request to doesn't work. Goddamn whores!!!
CHAIN LETTERS - What kind of a fucked up kid wants e-mails sent all around the world as his or her final wish?!?!? If I'm a little kid and I'm dying, I'm going to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.
MAILING LISTS - I haven't ever subscribed to one because I don't really think I need my mailbox flooded with messages I can selectively read on a message board.
MULTIPLE RECIPIANT MAILS - Is it really hard to personalize a message you're sending out to a friend? Don't send a message to 10 or so friends, saying the same (and usually pointless) thing. It's not polite. Plus, it always feels good when you see your name near the bottom of a recipient list doesn't it?
LARGE ATTACHED FILES - I don't want a file the size of John Holmes' dick attached to a mail unless I've said that I want it.
LACK OF SECURITY - There's nothing to keep someone from reading your e-mail if you're using a program like Eudora. Is it illegal like opening someone's letter mail? Just wondering.
THE MIDDLE MAN - Do the people at your internet provider read the occasional mail? I probably would. Or can they? Cuz I know some providers have some sort of program that stops a mail from going through the system if it's riddled with profanity. I just want to try something. Please ignore then next few lines:
- CUNT RAG SNIFFING ASS RAMMING MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A DONKEY FUCKING WHORE!!!
- What did you call me?
- You heard me. I called you a CUNT RAG SNIFFING ASS RAMMING MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A DONKEY FUCKING WHORE!!!
Okay, I just want to see if this doesn't get through any servers. If it gets stopped by your server, e-mail us and we'll send you an edited version. Actually, no we won't!!! We won't be censored by THE MAN!!!!!!!
THE REAR WINDOW REMAKE - What I saw of it, it was one of the worst fucking movies I've ever seen. Why remake these fantastic Hitchcock films? PLEEEEEEASE GOD, TELL ME WHY!!! Is Christopher Reeves going to star in a remake of Born On The Fourth Of July next (how'll he do the flashbacks?).
YOU'VE GOT MAIL - How bad does that movie look?
CAPITAL OF NASTY - Do I really have to explain myself? I think that 'nuff is said.