WELCOME to issue 16 of Capital of Nasty. This issue was supposed to be nothing more than a recycling bin of other articles that we had, which were just sitting around waiting to be used. In reality, only one article is really recycled, and that is Jason MacIsaac's "You're a FUNNY GUY". This is a continuation to the previous article he wrote under the issue of CoN dedicated to the "People we hate".
Among the other articles, you will find a short one about God, submitted by one of our readers, as well as a new section dedicated to movies, that Jeff Wright, our movie guru, will be handling. Although this section might not seem like the greatest, give it time to grow.
My article is nothing more than a rewrite of something I originally submitted to another e-zine, called "Viewer Discretion", which I wrote for under the nickname of Goatboy. I hope you will enjoy this issue. Our next issue, dedicated to School is nearly complete. We have but one spot left, for anyone who is interested in submitting something.
"for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause".- Hamlet, Act III, Sc. 1.I had a chance to see "What Dreams May Come" (www.whatdreamsmay.com) and it brought a strange sense of hope, and somewhat, of understanding. "Thoughts are real and reality is an illusion". Shame really that in my illusional reality, the car broke down (the mechanic forgot to put oil in the engine) and left me and my strange reality in the middle of nowhere, shattering it all. My last thought, before the car came to a grinding alt, with smoke pouring out of the hood, was that our reality, although fictional, works on some strict rules of physics.
I'll leave you with this week's e-mails:
The first is from Attilio Granata:
"Every time I see the word Communist, I feel like puking. Remove me from this list!"
The second one, with a little more depth than the one above, is from Gard E Abrahamsen, who replies to our "Relationship" issue. And with that I leave you, wishing you all the best.
4. Best Kind of Wonderful
by Lilith DemHareIs
The Best Kind of Relationships, I believe, are the monogamous marriages.
So far, I wholeheartedly agree.So you want an enduring relationship. If so, you must start with yourself. Are you the sort of person with whom someone will want to spend the restof their life (and beyond) with? If not, what would you change? (And don't just acknowledge it; change it.)
This is where we have a SLIGHT disagreement. The way I see it, you shouldn't change "for someone". You end up second guessing what you THINK others might want in you, based on rumors, stereotypes, and so on. Heck, if I was to listen to all the things said about how I *should* be, I would be your everyday insensitive schovenistic asshole beating the crap out of my girlfriend every day and demaning that she go down on me NOW. It's the kind of guy girls say they hate, but run over to tippety-toe, because... damn, he is so COOL and MANLY!
But that is not the guy I want to be, and if I was to change myself anywhere NEAR that kind of jerkish behaviour, I my get a woman easily, but I'd be really miserable inside, and I'd beg you to shoot me. (Alas, I can't be an asshole, therefore I have no girlfriend)
But that doesn't mean I'm against changing myself. No, I just ask the question slightly differently. I do not ask if I am the kind of person that SOMEONE would want to be with. I ask myself if I am the kind of person that *I* would want to be with (looking beyond the fact that I'd rather have a woman than a guy - might sound like a tiny detail to you, but I'm kind'a picky when it comes to that, ok?). Do I feel good about myself? Would I want my mate to be just like me? Because that is pretty much what I'm going to get. (And herein comes the oxymoron about women rushing to guys who beat the crap out of them, leaving the NICE guys behind. What's up with that anyways?)
You have to ADMIT to the things that you don't like about yourself. Not what others don't like about you, but what YOU don't like about yourself. Improve yourself the way YOU feel fit, so that YOU will enjoy yourself and your own image better, regardless of what others might think or say. There is always someone out there who is going to be negative about you. Just ask them to shut the hell up.
It is pretty typical to have some kind of idol and say "that's how I want to be". Heck, if it helps you feel good about yourself, go for it! Just don't pick Marilyn Manson or Bill Gates as your idol, I would be heartbroken if you did.
*I* like to be like myself, kind'a like an original. But there is always room for improvement. Now and then, I stumble onto things that makes me go "woops! This is not good." and I change that little bit about myself. Not because somebody told me to, not because I think others might think differently about me, but because I wish to be more satisfied about myself. It is a step further towards who I want to be. A process that never ends, by the way, because there are always new things you discover, both about the world, and about yourself.
In fact, if someone asks me to change something, chances are that I'll go into a defensive mode. Most people do. Doesn't happen all the time, of course, and it is one of the things I don't like about myself. It is one more thing that I'm trying to get rid of. Because I don't want to be that way. And the fact is, it is all a matter of how things are said, and your perception of it. You can emphasize on what is wrong and thus say between the lines "I don't like the way you are, change, because you are flawed", or you can emphasize on how things could be better, thus saying "hey, let's make things better". This is not just in presentation, but also in perception. How you perceive it is a choice as long as you keep in mind that it is a choice.
And do beware, that much of what others communicate to you can get completely distorted on the way. A lot of people are afraid to say what they REALLY mean, and something that might have been acceptable to both of you might degenerate into something that is "traditionally acceptable within the stereotype", and you both end up miserable, not knowing that all could have been even more incredibly fantastic than you thought it could be.
When you get to the point where you're changing to what you think your partner wants you to change to based on your perception of your partner's behaviour, whereas your perception is based on your stereotype view and expectations from what your partner's behaviour should be, and your partner's behaviour is based on his/her stereotype view and expectations of what YOUR behaviour and expectations should be - you get the point. It is no longer you. It is no longer your partner. It is just one big cahoodle of misperception and a misery that you won't openly admit.
But it doesn't stop there. Being yourself is one thing. Judging others based on your own standards is another. I got two words for that: Don't.
It is all within the range of "being sensible about things", which includes admitting that you're just a human being, no better or no worse than others. But all too often you encounter people who have the "holier than thou" attitude. Notice how the number of people who are holier than Clinton so closely resembles the divorce rate in the US... Figures!