Written by IMPROV

Going up north. The great Canadian Getaway. I just got back from going up north. Woo Hoo! Actually, it was quite fun...just me and nature...and 140 SPF sun block and OFF insect reppelant, and tonnes of alcohol. Okay okay, just me nature, sunblock, insect repellent, mind altering drugs, ten other drunken idiots and loud blasting music. If ever there was a true representation of the natural wonders of the world, I just listed them.

Anyhow, it was typical of an "I'm going up north" trip. A bunch of people who basically don't really know each other with the exception of one couple, usually the couple who owns the cottage ot trailer (depending on their degree of white trashed-ness). Y'know what I mean if you own the cottage you have these types of introductions: "Rob this is Mike. Mike and I have known each other since high school...Mike, I work with Rob." AND/OR "Rob this is Tara, even I don't know her that well she's Lisa's friend...Tara, I work with Rob." AND FINALLY "Rob this is Joe...Joe this is Rob" and then there is no explaination.

So it's me and ten other Twentysomethings...too young to be Gen X ers too old to be able to get away with the adolescent shit that went on. Specifically the ever popular game TRUTH OR DARE. Sitting around the campfire getting people to reveal personal things about themselves and exposing ther bodies. That's the concept. But that's never what really happens...but before I tell you what really happens let's delve into the history of TRUTH OR DARE as I know it.

Back in elementary school there were more dimensions to the game....sure it was still known as TRUTH OR DARE but there were other categories...allow me to explain:

Truth: One asks you a question that you must answer truthfully.... most often phrased as follows--"Is it true that you drink pee?" (remember this is elementary school)

Dare: Self expalinatory...although it was usually along the lines of--"I dare you to kiss Juliete's arm." To which Juliete would cry, stop playing and go get her mom...what a bitch.

Double Dare: Similar to Dare but the Darer had to do whatever they dared to Daree as well...this of course was a pretty wimpy way out unless you got the fucked up kid who dared you to eat his booger...cause it didn't matter to him cause he already eats it...I'll never fall for that again.

Promise to Repeat: The epitomy of a wimp...You have to repeat what the other kid says. The only time this ever worked was when you got one of the shy kids to play...and of course this is what they would always pick...but you get them to swear, something they never do..."Okay Kathy...promise to repeat eh? Hmmm...Alright.... Shit piss fuck cunt cock sucker mother fucker tits blow job dick pussy bitch whore ass wipe FUCK FUCK FUCK." Kathy never played again.

But I digress....back to this weekend. I join the game in progress. this is because my freind Gerry and I are in the cottage doing shots and headbanging to Mettalica...then we got Jiggy Wit It...that's when I knew we were dunk) So anyhow I join the game in progress. Nothing good has really happened. Two guys have had to kiss...a guy has had to lick another guy's ear...a guy has had to run across the field with his pants down. See a pattern yet? IT'S ALL GUYS DOING THINGS. Back to the last one... "I dare you to run across the field with you pants down." To which Gerry replied, "Okay". But took it a step further, he took them right off. And streaked around in his gotchies. Gerry is the type of guy that if you're playing strip poker with him, the pants go first! (be forewarned)

This whole time, though, when a girl is asked to do anything remotely risque they act like you just raped them. "Streak across the field topless" and this is the reply you get, first a lot of, "Howw....unnnn.....aaaa" (all in really high "I'm offended" voices). Then that's when the conditions come in..."I'm keeping my bra on...and I'm taking my shirt off behind that tree....and I'm carrying it with me...and and and " Its four o'clock in the fucking morning no one's gonna call the cops because of indecent exposure. Why play? It's the biggest cop out ever. I'd prefer to play with Kathy again..I'd have more fun getting her to swear.

Well...inevitably it's my turn. It's starting to rain. The game is going to end soon...and, well, after my turn there is not much left to do. "Dare", I say. "I dare you to pull your pants down, right here in front of the fire, so we can see and turn around." So my bitching about the girls wimpiness has not went unnoticed. "Underwear, too?" I ask. "Of course" is the answer I get. So there I am listening to Geoff (who is standing right beside me) and I proceed to drop `em and show the girls that I'm not all talk, in more than one way. I do my little spin and it's over. No big deal. Well, above average deal...but....anyhow. That's pretty much where the game breaks up. But what's all the fuss....if you're going to play TRUTH OR DARE....then goddamn well play it.


The next morning at the breakfast table Geoff's girlfriend payed me a BIG compliment....much to Geoff's chagrin, I'm sure. She said, "Ican't believe you did that Rob...I mean I was listening to Geoff talk,then all of a sudden...I couldn't concentrate...I mean I don't remembera thing he said after that....I woke up this morning and the firstthing I said was `I can't believe Rob did that'...Wow..." Thanks Lee.