IMPROV's short and sweet

Written by IMPROV

Archaeology? Why is there archaeology? I mean really what's the point? I read in the paper the other day that some guy in Mexico or something may have discovered some remains that may prove that some sort of dinosaurs hunted in packs. Big deal. How does this affect me right here, right now? I know we learn from our mistakes by studying history, but lets be serious here, what is there to learn from the fact that T Rex's shared their food. How does that relate to me now? If we study WW II then sure we might learn to not allow a guy like Adolf Hitler to rise into power. Is there any chance of me being eaten by a raptor on my way home to work...not likely, except maybe Oliver Miller (basketball fans are killing themselves over that one, trust me). Finding this out does not teach me any new defensive techniques or anything. Or maybe it does, BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER!!

Cause I can't use it...unless my friendly neighborhood crooks decide to study this guys work and shape their attack after that of a triceratops. And another thing...this is all theory. This guy has no clue if he's right or wrong. It's all hypothetical. "Of course it is." you're saying. But who is paying for this...for these theories? Not my tax dollars I hope. You know who should pay? Spielburg. That's right Spielburg. Cause he's the only one who is going to benefit. When it comes time to make Jurassic Park 3: The Money Maker he'll have that realism down. Not that we'd know the difference. But that guy in Mexico least he has a theory that he will.

Its amazing how one word (or lack there of) in a sentence can change the Total connotation of said sentence. I.E. "I have little time to do that." OR "I have a little time to do that." Bit of a difference. The other day I encountered someone who simply put a phrase in to the wrong tense and I was scared. My girlfriend and I were pulling up to a parking attendants booth after seeing a movie when the gentleman inside yelled, "WHAT HAPPENED!!??" But in a really friendly way.I replied, "Pardon?". Once again, "WHAT HAPPENED!!??". Confused I lean my Head outside of the car, just in case I'm mishearing him. "WHAT HAPPENED!!?? HOW WAS THE MOVIE?" Now I get it. He means, "What's happening?". I thought this guy saw blood on my car or something and witnessed my hit and might want to ignore that. It is amazing though, how one word in a greeting can dictate an entire conversation.What happened? vs. What's happening?Who you doing? vs. How You doing?Of course there's "Spare some change?" (For Toronto residents only)Yo wuss up? vs. ...actually if someone greets you that way, just keep walking.

I think the moment you are no longer a teenager is when you look at an article of clothing with a corp. logo on it and think that it's "sharp". You know what I mean, you get a jacket or a hat from work and it says something like "York Dry Cleaners" on it. It's a perfectly good jacket, but over the left breast there's a logo on it. When you have the mentality of a teen you think to yourself, "There is NO WAY I'm going to wear that piece of crap, there's a stupid logo on it." (Meanwhile you're standing there in your Nike cap, Starter jacket and Adidas tear-aways.) But the point is that when you can over look the crest or logo or whatever, you are truly no longer a teen. When you look at a hat from Peel Hardware Supplies and think, "Hey, now THAT'S a nice hat!" You've grown up...just a tad.

Now is this a good thing....?