Political Correctness

Written by IMPROV

Last night I was coming home from a hockey game with my girlfriend, when I witnessed something that I thought was non-existent in today's politically correct world. Sitting near the back of the streetcar in Toronto late at night is always an experience, to say the least. But tonight was remarkably disturbing.

We were just sitting there engaging in our usual mindless, but important to us, conversation, when a two gentlemen sat down beside us.

One of these men was obviously intoxicated, severely. No big deal on the Toronto Transit Commission. Now, for future reference (and not because I'm racist) these men looked to be from an African nation, specifically Somalia. This will be important later, trust me. Just to clarify the situation we'll call the intoxicated one... Norm and the other guy... Cliff.

Okay? Good.

Out of the blue Norm starts to yell something incoherent... kind of in an accent that I can only describe as French-Jamaican, “Bahhsstahhrds... Bahhsstahhrds!”

Oh I get it he's saying “Bastards” I think to myself. Okay, no problem someone has pissed this fine drunk off. Then I realise who it is, because in amongst the “Bahhsstahhrds” I hear a “Fahhgetts”. And I realise that there is a gentleman in front of us with his arm around another man. Now my girlfriend and I are in shock... is this really happening?

I'm thinking... I wanted to elbow smash this guy in the face, I'm not gay but I have friends who are and if they want to show their affection to each other in public, so be it! I mean, Christ, if my girlfriend and I can, why can't they?

But it doesn't end there, this drunken ass has the nerve to go up to them and ask if they're gay!! The two guys said that they were. Norm starts telling them that they're strange and are sinners. At this point my girlfriend and I are now hoping that these two gentlemen stand up and pulverise this piece of shit, and we also notice that the guys that Norm has a problem with are huge. Even better. But I'll give them credit, they did not stoop to this lower life form's level and stayed calm.

They told him to be quiet and sit down. He complied to the later.

As they are getting off we notice they are not alone. They have a friend with them. A friend that is even larger then them and clad in leather (you know, the kind of guy you'd find in the Blue Oyster bar). One of them turns to Norm and says (ever so classily, I may add), “If you still have a problem, step off the streetcar.” We were like, “Yeah... gotta love that.” Norm does the schoolyard stare down and watches them as the streetcar sped away. But continues his little tirade. He goes so far to tell me, “Thohhse guhs thay were GAYS, GAYS, y know fagghhets?” I tried to ignore him, but I couldn't. (This is where the fun begins.) A loose transcript follows:

Imp: Yes they were, but so what?

Norm: You approve of this?

I: Who am I not to? Who are you not to?

N: You are very strange, sir...very strange. It's not right.

(By this time I've turned around and find myself nose to nose with this waste of flesh, and the back of the streetcar is now empty except me, my girlfriend, Norm and Cliff.)

I: Maybe I am strange...

N: In Africa this is not accepted... it is your society that this is accepted... not mine.

(Well now... we do have problem now don't we?)

I: Excuse me? This is not wrong.

(Finally, Cliff speaks up)

Cliff: It is a sin... a sin against the Lord

N: Yes you read the bible?... You know Sodom & Gomorra?

C: (Gesturing to my girlfriend) Is that your girlfriend?

N: Are you gay?

I: This is my girlfriend yes

C: You are a good man.

(Now, there is no way I want these fuck-ups to think I agree with them)

I: But just because I'm not gay, doesn't mean I think its wrong

N: You are very strange... It is a sin

I: WHEN did God say it's a sin to be gay?

C: It's God's commandment.

I: Really? Which number commandment is this?

N: You know what happened to Sodom & Gomorra? You know?

I: Yeah, they were destroyed.

N: That is correct, and you know.

(I interrupt)

I: You tell me why, where does it say specifically that it's because of homosexuality... tell me!!

(Without being able to quote the Good Book he changes the subject and is back on the your society thing)

N: In Africa, this is not accepted behaviour... it is your country...

(All right, the redneck in me is now wide-awake!!)

I: Well then maybe you should have stayed in Africa...

N: Excuse me?

I: You come to this country and expect to practice any religion you wish and are free to do so... who the hell are you to tell others how to live?

Time for these boys to get off (thank God). Back to the school yard stare down, this time with me, though. He gets off... stand on the corner, still staring... so I flipped him the bird. How nice it would have been to beat the hell out of this guy, but what would that have proved? I'm just appalled that it happened. I applause the gentlemen who were took the brunt of this guys attack. I applaud them for their patience and the fact that they could walk off that streetcar with their heads held high. Because, if there is a God, I'm damn sure he appreciates their civilised reaction to Norm's barbaric thoughts, views and the way he dealt with them.