ASK CAPITAL OF NASTY. Since we think that we know so much and we are all bloated in our ego being the editors of a zine, we'd like to propose a new section: ASK CoN. Do you have a particular question that needs answering? Want to know what ingredients are needed in making a bomb? Is there a God? Send us your drivel, we'll do our best to enlighten you and show you how well we learned to bullshit in school.
Instead of my usual ranting in the editorial, I'll take the rest of this space to answer some of the e-mails I have received. Although it has been two weeks since I have returned from my vacation, I seem still unable to reduce the amount of unread letters in my inbox. The more I read, the more I find waiting for me.
The first piece of e-mail I received was from a guy named Jeroen van Haperen from the Netherlands:
HI I’m Jeroen and I would also like to win that Coglione D'Oro !!On your pages I couldn't find someplace to submit my page So I guess this is the way to do it
My Page Url : http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/3323/Title: Donald Duck Ate My Balls!!This is not just another ate-my-balls page,.... This is THE ate my balls page!! Check it out!
I Hope you think it is good enough!! ThX
Dear Jeron, thank you for your interest in winning our coveted Golden Testicle. Unfortunately I have to inform you that CoN cannot just give our award out to anybody. Our "Golden Testicles" are superb pieces of art and a prestigious and renown symbols of glory that we give only to a selected few. And also, we've already awarded the "Mega Ate My Balls Page", we can't actually go and award each one of the "So-and-so Ate my Balls page". Don't get me wrong, it's not that your page is not good, it’s that... actually, who am I trying to fool. Your page blows buddy. Big time. You want to know if I think it's good enough? Here is my answer: it's the biggest piece of shyte I've seen this far. It's such a sad page, it ain't even funny. I hope someone does an "Ate my balls" page just on you. So long buddy.
Jon Wagner describes himself as a "one of those silent persons, rarely commenting in writing on things that even bug the hell out of me....". However, this time he has a comment:
"I can't understand why it's the "in" thing to bash Gates/Microsoft - the very duo who has given us something constructive vs.: hackers who only destroy. Perhaps it's just keen to attack success".
Microsoft products take technology that has existed for the past 15years in other operating systems, like Linux and they make it sound like it's the newest thing on the block. I guess my attacks on Windows is how far behind they are compared to the rest of the world and of all the time that it's wasted at work in rebooting a computer after it crashes. Other people are jealous of their market share. Other are just pure envious that a guy like Gates made it this far. People like me are pissed off that we get to work with such a shitty environment, unreliable and inefficient when there are other operating systems like Linux. Linux unfortunately is probably the only operating system used by the hacking community, since it lacks the easy-to-use interface we are so accustomed with Microsoft products. Whatever the reason for so much Gates bashing, I got to give the guy credit, he's probably patting himself on the ass right now. BTW, for hackers I mean someone who enjoys taking his Kernel apart, modifying his operating system, but not doing any harm to anyone else’s system. A cracker is someone who breaks into other systems causing damage.
"I came out with the first do-it-yourself pad-making kit and some people complain about it. My comment to them always is: Why don't you just make one of your own if you're so goddamned smart?
Capital of Nasty received one of Jon Wagner's pad-making kits as gift. Although my first attempt in making a pad resulted in gluing it to the table, my next attempts got better and better as I tried. Go to an arts store, buy yourself a custom made stamp, and voila`, you can make pads for your non-profit organization at a reasonable price. You can check it out at http://www.padmakr.com or you can e-mail Jon Wagner at firstname.lastname@example.org for further info. Yes, this probably sounds like advertising, but Jon was so nice to send us a sample for free, it’s the least we could do. BTW, "LOL" stands for "Loser On Line", just so you know.
Jonathan Wheat will not be reading his reply since he had to unsubscribe. The reason for doing so is explained in his message:
I am currently subscribed to this list, and my workplace has since determined that any "non-work-related" email messages are a problem, so I need to be removed.
For the sake of Mr. Wheat, I will not mention what company he works for, but I do have to say that they are all a bunch of stiffs. How can "non-work related" e-mails be a problem? Most likely his manager enjoys reading his worker's e-mails, and just wants to be sure he doesn’t have to go through too much stuff. ---
In CoN III.1, I wrote in the editorial:
I've received some "complains" since the last two CoNs were not sent out. The reason they were not sent out was because we were all busy in our laborious lives. Our apologies to all those that wrote, and also, if I haven't replied to your e-mails yet. I will be doing that shortly.
Dave (also known as Odessius Knight on The Island Retreat BBS) replied:
Heh heh heh....well belated Merry Christmas....and happy 98.....and tell the folks who complained that they should kiss yer butt, as you put out a great publication, and even still, you DO have a life....:)
Please keep up the GREAT work......
Thank you Dave. Not only for your kind words of appreciation of our humble zine, but also for proving that there is indeed more than one person out there, that reads my boring editorials. =)
The last fan mail from Elodette but signed from Philitsa, informs us that Desiderata (the article titled "I have this poster on my wall" on CoN III.1) "is written by Max Ehrmann"."P.S. I love your stuff". Thank you Philitsa, it's nice to know that CoN is appreciated by our readership.
Talking about being appreciated, here are two nasty e-mails I have received. Now the following messages might make no sense to anyone unless you have received a private reply from me. Let me explain: when you reply to a message and you quote their message, an header appears at the top of the quoted text. It usually says something like "On such-and-such-a-date so-and-so wrote:". Mine is a little different, it says: "On This Day, in the Year of Our Lord on such-and-such-a-date, so-and-so wrote:". It's nothing bad right?
From: "John P. McWilliams" To: CoN Staff Subject: Re: [eZines]: What makes a zine Date sent: Thu, 4 Dec 1997 12:16:48 -0800
I thought I was subscribing to a list concerning zines; I didn't expect to run headlong into religious propaganda. If it persists then I do have the wrong list and will depart immediately. Please do have the courtesy to keep religious statements to yourself; I believe I am capable of thinking on own terms, and not what you expect me to think or fantasize. John>> On This Day, in the Year of Our Lord 4 Dec 97 at 0:49, Otis
I thought it was a remote case of some freak having gone bezerk. Shortly after that one arrived, this came screaming in my mailxbox:
From: Stoxpert Date sent: Sun, 18 Jan 1998 09:14:57 EST To: CoN Staff Subject: Re: [eZines]: indexing your zine site Organization: AOL (http://www.aol.com)
In a message dated 98-01-17 23:34:34 EST, you write:
<< On This Day, in the Year of Our Lord 17 Jan 98 at 22:09, Zadeezabeth wrote:>>
Cut out the YEAR OF OUR LORD stuff, would you please?
Now, I care about religion as much as I care about the weather on Mars. I don't see how that little insignificant header up there could cause so much grief. Au contraire, I thought of it as a very powerful satirical statement, mocking both religion and a type of government that was in our Christian society not too long ago. What bothers me the most is that this complains come from Editors of other zines. You would think they would be a little more open minded then your average net-citizen. I'm just afraid to think what I'll turn like when I'll be their age.
If your e-mail doesn't appear here, please don't freak. Either I didn’t get around to it or it wasn't meant for the Editorial staff. When you reply to an article, mail still arrives in our mailboxes. We take the freedom of forwarding those e-mails to the appropriate authors who will eventually (I hope) answer you.
We look forward to your comments, so please feel free to send in your words of wisdom to our editorial address by hitting reply to this issue or by writing to: con AT capnasty.org. Have a great one.