Book of Profound Things

Written by Milkshake

This is something from the unfortunately unknown Book of Profound Things(except chat fights). They are soon to be published on my website along with Ken the brick and my brothers. All of these games (except tumblegit) are created by ME, Rik Hughes.

  1. Battleshits! A game for 2 players. The two players both get in a bath together (preferably covering up the naughty bits with a flannel or pair of pants) and crap. The first person to get out of the bath loses.
  2. Stationary eating. The players have to eat pencils. The one who ate most pencils after 10 minutes wins.
  3. Frighten the elderly game. The players must go to a local zoo or pet shop and steal something scary (snakes and arachnids are the best) then place it in an old persons bed. The player who gets the best reaction wins, hoorah!
  4. The Hospital game. (for 2-4 players) The players go to their local hospital and each allocate themselves a ward to play on. They must go to this ward and swap around the patient details. The first player to cause a death or accident wins, yipee!
  5. Tumblegit (by Dave Wallace) The aim of this game is to run about the streets with a chainsaw cutting off old mens wooden legs and cutting their walking sticks in half and timing how long they stagger and tumble about for. The winner is the player who makes their old man stumble about the longest.

(these games are highly dangerous and should only be attempted by people who have been expertly trained in the art of ear picking with a biro)

Chat Fight. For this game you will need a chat client (such as Mirc). Go into some chatroom (preferably in America as the Americans are a bit stupid) and pick a fight with someone using the action commands, e.g. "bloke pokes a big stick right up yankeetwatsnose" etc. Continue until they 'victim' leaves or you get kicked out. Great fun! Please do try this out.

Thank you for letting me waste your time with this silly drivel.