Why women are always late

Written by Lord Lansdowne

It is true that guys are messy (my room is the living proof of that), disorganized (i.e. get ready for a trip 5 minutes before they go) and too often lose things (keys, glasses, the floppy disk my girlfriend gave me with the stories for CoN) but for sure we are (almost) never late. In fact I think that since a guy just puts on a pair of pants and a t-shirt that falls in the category a) looks fine and b) smells fine, he doesn't have to waste so much time in getting ready. Girls on the other hand first have to try on several hundred dresses, be upset because the dress they wore in their high school graduation is too small, and put unnecessary makeup to cover for some faults we never see anyway. What's the point?

Guys can't tell the difference between two dresses or if her hair is different than it was the day before.

A girl might say to a guy: "Meet me tomorrow morning at 9AM for breakfast at Caracas, by the big oak tree". You can be your left testicle (the right one is reserved for some special purposes which I am still investigating) that the guy will be waiting there for at 8:45AM if not earlier (there is a chance that he might completely forget about the appointment, in which case he should use the "deny all" technique, but that's another story).

The girl will arrive at least half an hour late, smile, say "sorry, I'm late" (nooooo? really?) and before the guy can say anything, she will show him all the great things she bought at this amazing deal, while the poor guy couldn't care less about new shoes for women, or that dress. What does the girl expect us to say anyway? "Oh my gosh, those shoes are great! That dress is fabulous! Quick, where did you buy it?" and after finding out, we'd run there and try on the dress to make sure it fits us.

If a guy is late, say by 2 minutes, and by golly, she happens to be there already, a guy has to be reminded a million times that she was there waiting for him (probably a whole 30 seconds, since she probably had just arrived there herself). She had to wait a while 120 seconds for you, and you better obtain your forgiveness somehow! Eventually the woman will giggle and smile and forgive you, since this can easily go for the time (out of the many) that she was late. "Now we're even" she'll say, while you are probably wondering how can 16 of her lates equal one of yours.

The explanation is both cultural and genetic. Culturally since the bride always arrives late and everyone takes this as normal. The bride can arrive 2 hours late, and not a person wonders what happened or why she made everyone and the groom stand so long in the church. But what if the groom was late? I don't think the reaction would've been quite the same.

Genetically males are built in being first. When I was born I decided to see the world before the due date, and I plopped out of my mom in an hurry. My sister on the other hand put my mother in a long
awaited delay, until finally she decided to come out.

My girlfriend asked me one day to wait for her at the subway station of Greenwood. After I had waited for one hour and a half, and decided to go home. I open the door of my house and I see her shoes at the entrance. I am greeted with a "geez, where were you?"

"At the subway station waiting for you as you had asked" I snarled.

"Oh, oops" she smiled "well, you should've called!"