The 5th Element (The Negative Review)

Lord Lansdowne gives it: two goats and a half.

Written by Lord Lansdowne

When I hear the name Luc Besson, I think of movies such as La femme Nikita or The Professional. Add into this Bruce Willis, who's name stands side by side with the word action and you think to yourself "we got something great here!" especially of you turn your brain off (most of it, and more then usual) and pay your ticket to see explosions, senseless beatings and shootings, and last we forget action. Unfortunately it is not so: everyone walks in thinking action packed and comes out screaming. I wonder if some people confused the movie teather for a fashion show, while the clothes of Jean-Paul Gaultier scrolled in front of them.

This movie is mostly built on the hype of the media. I hate Siskel & Herbert. They gave this movie two tumbs up so everyone follows what they say like sheep. I could show them crap, and I bet I would still get two thumbs up. David Sheenan calls it the "Die Hard in the 23rd Century". Too bad that in Die Hard a lot of stuff happens, and Bruce looks cute without that silly blonde hair. Stephen Schaefer, of the Boston Herald calls this the Star Wars of the 90's!" Wait a minute. I though ID4 was the Star Wars of the 90's and now you are changing your mind again? George Lucas in 1976 did better special effects then what Besson did in the (end of the) 90's!

Apparently this story was an original concept of Luc Besson when he was 15. Cute story, most probably stolen in parts from the comics of the belgian writer Herge`. The way the environment looked pretty futuristic, and a bit depressing (just look at Bruce's apartment). For those that don't know what the story is about, it's about saving the world. This ball of flame is coming to earth to destroy life in the universe, and only by taking the four elements (water, air, earth and fire) plus a fifth element, can a weapon of life and purity destroy all evil. The 5th Element, a perfect, pure being is a model, Mila Jovovich, which plays the part of this almost innocent childish alien. Apparently she can read as fast as Data, and learn Karate-chop moves by watching TV. Must be that triple DNA strand of hers...

The humor left me a bit wondering as well. Bruce arrives at the airport in Heaven (that's what the place is called) and a woman says: "Mr. Willis?"

"No," he answers, "Mr. Dallas".

Had me on the floor laughing there.

What's with the Star Wars jokes as well? A woman resembling a walking closet that was supposed to look like Princess Leia, and at the end, David, the Priest's assistant, while he yells, "Yeaah." He's holding a saber-like light.

The actors were good. Bruce Willis with his usual cool "I don't care" attitude. I wonder if it's because he was a former military officer that he can speak English so well and drive a cab. Since when cabbies speak english?

Mila Jovovich, although I wanted to slap her on the face more than once, did manage to reach that childish like state, and her yabbering fooled me into thinking that yeah "perhaps this is an alien broad, cloned from outta space". Just leaves me wondering how she can read le Anglais. Ian Holm, the priest had his funny moments, although if he originally was supposed to save the world, he also was pretty clueless. Chris Tucker.. what the hell did they do with this guy? Why did he have to be some sort of freak jumping around Bruce? After a while he stopped being funny, and that didn't take long. Luke Perry here shows is great ability of being such an amazing actor. I can't say anything else or I think I will harm myself.

Not even The Island of Dr. Mureau left me twiching in my seat. At least there, for as crappy the budget was (and the movie itself) something happened. I wanted to strip naked and run accross the movie theater. I found myself screaming "I wanna get out! Please stop!". In the last 40 seconds, which last half an hour, and the ball of flame is about to hit Earth, Bruce is having a hard time telling the alien that he loves her. That was dragged on for too long. I heard the people sitting behind me yelling "Come'on! Kiss her so we can go home!".

Colin claimed that if he took the $8.50 he spent on the ticket, went to the Greenwood race track, and bet on the horse with the lowest odds and he lost, the money would've been better invested.

Top 5 things said over and over in "The 5th Element":

5?"I'm saving the world" (just about everyone)
4?"Oh my God! Oh my God!" (Christ Tucker while on acid)
3?"Lilo" (Willis and Mila)
2?"She's perfect." (Everyone else again)
1?"Haziz, light!" (The Nutty Professor with Luke Perry)